


Beyond Compare

by Hazellum



Series: Mothman Dib [1]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Invader Zim, Mothman (Folklore)
Genre: :P, ;lkadfsj;lakdfj, Alastor is totally a shipper, Dealing With Demons, Dib is a dumbass, Dumbass thought Alastor was a genie, Gaz is like 'You dumbasses", M/M, Mothman Dib go BRRRRRR, Slow Burn, The bois are in denial about their feelings, but on accident, it makes good radio dramas, slowburn, very slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:55:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 22,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25871698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazellum/pseuds/Hazellum
Summary: Dib goes looking for a genie, accidentally finds a demon. He wishes to meet mothman, not realizing, you know, ITS A DEMON, and hilarity ensues.  Sorry. I will be getting into, like, moth stuff, so that'll be fun! Moth intincts and stuff/ ALso, slowburn and soft ZaDr. I hope you all enjoy!PS this is the first fic Ive ever done an outline for. :PI CHANGED MY MIND, ALASTOR WILL BE A RECURRING CHARACTER.
Relationships: Dib and Gaz, Dib and Membrane, Zim and Gaz, Zim/Dib, membrane and Gaz, zim and dib
Series: Mothman Dib [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877377
Comments: 138
Kudos: 111





	1. Dealing with Devils.

As Dib stepped softly through the woods, he enjoyed the simplicities of it. The crackling of orange, red, and browning leaves beneath his feet, the crisp chill to the air. The shivering wind whistling through the trees, tossing his cowlick about. Smiling, he gripped the handle of his cryptid-hunting case tightly.

Everyone in the area around these woods spoke of something within them, something that would grant you wishes. From the way they spoke, it was probably a fae. Either that or a particularly violent genie. Either way, he had safety backups. If it was a fae, well that was why he kept an iron dagger in a sheath at his ankle. It was why Dib never left home without at least one iron ring on his finger, why his gloves and trenchcoat had it studded through them.

If it was a genie, Dib would just have t get ahold of the lamp and he'd be fine. Well, that and not wish it free. That was just asking for trouble.

As he walked through the woods, picking his way through the underbrush and lightly frosted leaves, Dib came across a babbling brook. Sparkling in the evening sun, it looked so peaceful. Dib was tempted to splash through it, but in woods like these, it could be enchanted. Not a good idea.

Also, wet feet would suck in this chilly weather.

Walking upstream, Dib started looking for a fallen log or something to walk over. The only one he could find, he had to be careful because there was a fairy ring right at the base of it.

Stepping around it, Dib made his way onto the log and crossed the brook. When he set foot on the ground opposite, he noticed something glinting in the autumnal light in the distance.

Jogging towards it, Dib stepped back when a mist lifted from the ground, swirling around him. Grimacing, he quickly kneeled down, drew his dagger, and stood back up.

"If you're a fae, know one thing! I'm not scared of you!" he said, no trace of fear in his voice. He'd dealt with fae before. With as much iron as he had on his person, if this was a fae, it wouldn't give him any trouble.

All at once, the mist converged into a form in front of Dib; the first thing to be visible was the wide grin stretched across its face, its teeth jagged, like those of a shark's. Next were its eyes, its sclera a deep crimson, its irises oversaturated red. Atop its head, it had two small antlers, and ears like those of a deer, a bright red like the rest of him.

It wore a scarlet overcoat, which had lighter red pinstripes. A monocle over one eye and a cane in hand, this thing gave off an aura of power. His grey skin seemed to be moving stone, a hardness to it.

"Why hello there, my good friend! How may I help you today?" it asked, its voice sounding like it was on an old-timey radio.

"Uh... are you the genie I heard about?" Dib asked, holding his dagger at his side, ready to fight if he had to.

Briefly, Alastor considered telling the kid the truth, However, he hadn't met a schmuck this gullible since... say, it would have been around April 1975? He couldn't let this slip through his fingers; he was terribly bored.

"Ahahaha! But of course, my cryptid-hunting fellow!" he said, spinning his microphone like a show dancing cane. Setting it on the ground, Alastor leaned onto it. If the kid was this dumb, he might fall for a trick Alastor had learned from a dead fae.

"And may I have your name?" he asked, reaching out one hand as if for a handshake.

However, it seems the teen wouldn't be falling for that one; all Alastor got for his trouble was a handful of iron shavings and salt thrown in his face.

"My! How rude," he laughed, standing up. "I'm not a fae, child."

"Uh, sure. Sorry. Can't be too careful, y'know? Jut in case, I am going to use this phrasing..." Dib replied, shrugging, and clearing his throat. "You may not have my name, but you may call me Agent Mothman!"

"Agent? Are you affiliated with some sort of government organization? You're a little young for that, aren't you?" Alastor asked as a laugh track played.

"No! I'm with the Swollen Eyeball Network! It is our sacred duty to reveal the hidden truths to the world, to hunt down and eliminate all supernatural threats to humanity!" Dib declared, stepping one foot forward, a grin on his face, proudly displaying his briefcase and the SEN logo on it.

To himself, Alastor laughed. This "Agent Mothman" was part of a cryptid hunting organization? Hopefully that could be taken advantage of; it had so many possibilities for entertainment!

"Well, back to the matter at hand, as a 'genie'", Alastor said, taking a moment to chuckle softly, "I will grant you one wish! What would you like?"

Furrowing his eyebrows, Dib took a moment to think. After all, a wish from a genie was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! It should be something he really wanted.

Dib almost asked for the ability to capture Zim once and for all, but luckily for him, he remembers the Zimvoid incident and thought better of it.

Instead, Dib quickly thought up a wish even better than that! He was going to meet one of his heroes!

"I want to meet Mothman!" Dib said, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet like a child.

"well then! Now to set it in brimstone!" Alastor said, reaching out a hand to Dib, "Won't you shake a poor sinner's hand?" As he spoke, the air grew dark, before lighting up a vibrant green, as verdant flames danced on Alastor's hand.

Without pausing to consider the implications of this, Dib quickly grabbed Alastor's hand, and shook it. As he did so, he felt his arm being yanked, and he was pulled towards the genie.

"And the first thing I'll tell you, I'm not a genie!" Alastor said, cackling. "And if you want to take back your 'wish,' you'll owe me your soul, and you'll be at my beck and call for eternity in Hell!"

And with that he disappeared, all that remained being a laugh track playing in the air.

"Whaaaat the fuck," Dib said, falling backwards. "Did I just make a deal with a demon?!?"

After sitting there having an existential crisis for a few hours, Dib grew tired. Looking up, he realized it was late, so instead of trying to walk out of the woods in the dark, Dib pulled his sleeping bag out of his backpack and set to climbing up a tree.

Once firmly wedged between three branches, Dib snuggled into his sleeping bag and fell asleep. As he slept, Dib dreamed a very strange dream.

He was sitting on the couch in Zim's base, watching TV. At first, the base was the only thing that Dib noticed was odd. However, he quickly realized that in this dream, Zim was sitting curled up in his lap, purring. His hand was on Zim's head, gently scratching.

And for some reason, Dib was happy.

What a weird dream, right?

When he woke up in the morning, Dib felt awful. It felt like he had been hit in the guts with a sack of bricks. To be fair, he had unwittingly made a deal with a demon, but it still sucked. At least he still had his soul.

As he walked home, Dib considered what the demon thought would be so terrible about meeting Mothman that Dib would want to exchange his soul for not having met Mothman.

Maybe Mothman was a dick?

Ah well. Dib was stubborn as all hell- no pun intended- and had no intention of giving a demon his soul. AS he strolled through the woods, stepping around the occasional fairy circle, Dib thought about how awful of a deal that demon had gotten.m No souls for him!

Getting into his car and turning it on, Dib checked his phone while fiddling with the AC. He had three missed calls from his dad, and a text from Gaz. Quickly typing out a text to both before putting his phone away, Dib put his hands on the steering wheel. It was time to get home.

The road passed by as Dib drove, trees blurring together. Dib just wanted to get home, take a shower, and take a nap in his actual bed. Sleeping in trees always sucked.

When he walked in the door, the first thing Gaz said to him was "Hey. You look like shit," before turning back to her game. 

As their father walked into the room to greet Dib, he stopped in his tracks. 

"Son, did you get  _ any _ sleep last night?" he asked, looking worried.

"Yeah? I mean, I slept in a tree, bu-"

"Dib, go take a nap," membrane said, pinching the bridge of his nose. Shrugging, Dib nodded his head and walked upstairs. He was tired anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor's back, and Dib is too tired to deal with his shit. Also, can you spot the foreshadowing and references?

When he rolled out of bed the next morning, and yes, literally rolled, he felt too awful to actually stand up like a normal person, Dib felt like crap. He was also starving, and needed a shower. Of the three, showering took priority. After all, Dib didn't really feel like getting sprayed with a hose. Gaz's aim was scarily good with a garden hose.

As he stepped out into the hallway, Dib mumbled a greeting at Gaz, who was passing to head to breakfast.

"Wow, once again, you look awful. And you smell like hot garbage," she said, slapping him in the back of the head. "And what the hell, Dib. I've never seen you get five-o-clock shadow before."

"Wait what?" Dib said, still mostly asleep and not quite functioning yet.

"Dumbass. Like half of your chin is covered in, like, silky stubble. It's weird as hell."

"MMkay," Dib responded, not really absorbing Gaz's words. They went in one ear and out the other.

"And its like, spreading, too. That's... Not normal. What'd you do this time?" Gaz asked, grabbing her brother by the collar of his shirt.

"Demons are assholes," was all he said, before yanking his shirt away and stumbling into the bathroom. Gaz sighed and rolled her eyes. If she had to go beat up a demon to get Dib's soul back again, she was going to be ticked. Shrugging, she went down the stairs.

Looking at himself in the mirror, Dib realized Gaz was right. This was no normal stubble. Besides that, he'd never had so much as a solitary molecule of facial hair before. Something he'd inherited from his father, apparently.

Remembering something he'd read about on the SEN forums one time, Dib checked his eyes to make sure the sclera wasn't yellow and the pupils were still round. Satisfied of this, Dib shrugged. Whatever was going on, he could deal with it after a shower and some breakfast. A little facial hair never killed anyone.

As he stepped out of the shower a few minutes later, Dib squinted and ran his hands along the counter looking for his glasses. Instead, his hand met a piece of paper.  _ I've got your glasses. You can have them after you actually eat a meal instead of a protein bar and spite. -Gaz _

Muttering various curses and swears, Dib carefully stepped out of the bathroom. Or rather, he tried to, and ended up smacking his face against the wall repeatedly. Being nearsighted sucks.

After tripping and falling down the stairs, Dib lay in a jumbled heap at the bottom. "Gaz! If I break a bone, I'm throwing your GameSlave into the nuclear waste disposal bin!" he shouted, shaking his fist at what he thought was Gaz. It was, in actuality, a bouquet of rather pretty purple flowers in a cyan vase.

"No, you won't!" Gaz called from in the kitchen. Grimacing, Dib nodded to himself. His self-preservation instincts were too good. Picking himself up off the floor, Dib tried to walk into the kitchen. After acquiring a few more soon-to-be-bruises, he managed to get himself leaning against a countertop in the kitchen. Sitting at the table was either his father or a particularly pale potted plant, and the blurry, indistinct lump he assumed to be Gaz was rummaging through the fridge.

Sitting on the counter, just at the range where he could vaguely see it but not really, was something green and vaguely food-shaped. Lettuce, maybe? Shrugging, Dib decided it was either lettuce or some sort of decoration Membrane had put out to make the house feel "mathematically cozier."

Picking it up, Dib tore off a few of what were definitely leaves and started eating. They definitely weren't lettuce, but they tasted pretty good. "Hey, what sort of vegetable is this?" he asked, in the general direction of the blurry blob he thought was probably his dad.

Yep. Definitely his dad. Dib could recognize the sound of a Membrane brand spit-take anywhere, even if he couldn't see at the moment.

"Dib, you're eating an aspen branch I put out for decoration. H-How? Why?" he asked, sounding incredulous.

"Gaz took my glasses. I thought it was some sort of, like, spinach or something you left out on the counter," Dib replied shrugging. "Is aspen not edible?"

"W-Well it is, but why would you want to eat it?" Membrane asked, sounding very confused.

"Eh, it tastes good, and Gaz said she'd only give me my glasses back after I ate something," Dib said, shrugging.

"Gaz, give your brother his glasses back, please," Membrane said. As Gaz grumbled, Dib felt something hit him in the face and bounce off. Reaching down, Dib ran his hands across the floor.

"My glasses! My glasses! You know I can't see without my glasses!" Dib said, grimacing. If they were broken, he'd have to go all the way down to the basement lab and fabricate a new pair! It would be such a hassle.

Managing to get a grab on his glasses, Dib realized the left lens was cracked. Popping it out of the frames, Dib put on his glasses. 

"I'm going to go fabricate a new lens, I'll be back in a sec," he said, before walking down to the basement. Looking at anything right now was weird. Missing one lense, his vision was still awful, but it was better than nothing. 

Looking at the cracked lens in his hand, Dib realized it was cracked just like... Zib's. Well. That didn't need overthinking. Chucking the lens in the garbage, Dib walked over to the fabricator and typed in the command for a new one.

Later, on the way to school, Dib was talking to Gaz. 

"Next time you want me to eat something, just tell me. Don't hold my glasses hostage," Dib said, raising one eyebrow.

"Oh? And would you actually eat anything if I asked nicely?" Gaz asked, yanking on his hair scythe. 

"Hey! Quit it!" Dib said, yanking away. "Honestly, the only way today could get any worse would be if-" 

While Dib was speaking, the sound of feet running across the sidewalk came up behind him. He was interrupted when he was hit squarely in the back of the head by a solid slap.

"Great. Zim. Juuust perfect," Dib said, pinching the bridge of his nose. His stomach already felt weird, and Zim had only been there for a couple of seconds.

"Yes! I am perfect! Thank you for noticing, pathetic Dirt-Child!" Zim announced, standing with his chest puffed out and his hands on his hips. "Also, what is wrong with your face and hair, Dib-Stink? You look awful!"

"W-What the hell! Shut u-"

"Yeah dude, you're all, like, fluffed up. It's weird."

"Wh-what. Wait. Seriously?" Dib said, looking confused. In response, Gaz pulled out her phone and put it in selfie mode so Dib could see his face.

His hair was all poofed out and kind of... curling. And the bits of fluff on his face were also puffed up. "What the hell... Wait. Yeah literally, what the hell."

As Dib was looking at this, a spout of green fire shot into the air behind him, prompting Zim to jump backward. Out of the fire jumped a demon dressed in dapper scarlet attire.

"Well, it seems someone is unhappy with their wish! Well, if you'll just hand over your soul, I'll undo everything-"

"I'd say go to hell, but you live there," Dib said, brushing past him. "I'm too tired to deal with you, you... what even are you supposed to be? A pimp?"

Laughing, Alastor leaned on his microphone cane. "Oh, you crack me up! By the way, I don't think I ever told you my name," he said, as the air grew dark and ominous red symbols appeared around his head. "I'm Alastor, the Radio Demon."

Nonplussed, Dib just blinked at him. "Is that supposed to mean something to me?"

"Actually, probably not. After all, you're not dead," Alastor replied, shrugging. "Well, yet anyway," he finished, before disappearing in another burst of green flame.

"Dib, what the hell was that?" Gaz asked, looking up from her game.

"I thought he was a genie, and he granted me a wish. Now he wants me to give him my soul and he'll undo it. But if being fluffy is the worst that's going to happen, I'm fine," Dib said, continuing to walk towards the school.

"Dib, if I have to beat up a demon again to get your soul back, you're going to owe me Bloaty's Pizza weekly for a year," Gaz said, glaring at Dib.

"Ehhh? What is a 'Dee-mahn'?" Zim asked, looking confused. Dib just shook his head and rolled his eyes, ignoring the green alien. "Hey! Do not ignore the Mighty Zim!" Zim shouted, following Dib. 

"Hey Gaz, do you hear something? I think it must be pretty windy today," Dib said, continuing to walk.

"Windy? WINDY?!? DO NOT DARE TO CALL ME MERE WIND!" Zim shouted, tackling Dib to the ground and yanking at his hair.

Rolling quickly, Dib managed to get onto his back, and use his legs to kick Zim off of him. However, the alien quickly sprinted back at Dib, who barely had time to get to his feet.

"Ha! Will you two quit flirting before we're late?" Gaz said, laughing, as she walked by.

"We are not flirting! This is a serious battle for the fate of the planet!" Dib protested, indignant.

"Eh, what is flirting?" Zim asked, confused.

"You two are dumbasses."


	3. Fellas, is it gay to cuddle your nemesis?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soft cuddle time, followed by a dream sequence. Alastor is an assnhole, but what's new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucken' strawberry pimp.

Walking into homeroom, Dib was mildly surprised to see Mrs. Bitters standing at the front of the room. Usually, she just hovered ominously at the front of his fourth-period Political Science class.

"Students, all your teachers have called in sick, so I'm going to be teaching every class for the foreseeable future," she said, looming over her desk. This barely caused Dib to raise an eyebrow; he'd learned a long time ago not to question things too much when it came to Mrs. Bitters. You'd just end up with a headache.

As Mrs. Bitters started lecturing about advanced algebra, and how it mirrored life in that it was so complex but was really not worth the effort, Dib settled into his seat for another long day of school. 

Halfway through the class, Dib realized he was feeling ill. His face felt flushed, and his stomach felt like it was twisting up in knots. All through his morning classes, Dib couldn't focus. Lucky for Dib, he didn't read or watch any tropey romance, or he would have realized these were the symptoms of a crush.

Unlucky for Dib, moths don't deal very well with unrequited love. 

At lunch, Dib went through the line and grabbed a tray, like normal. He sat down like normal. He ate like normal. What wasn't normal was that Zim sat right next to him.

Neither of them seemed to realize this, however. They ate in companionable silence, Dib chewing whatever cursed muck the cafeteria dished out today, and Zim munching on Irken snacks. Well, Dib tried to chew his lunch. Like usual, after a few pokes with his fork, it oozed off the plate and slithered away. 

A few minutes later, Dib found a bag of chips with Irken writing on it sitting on his plate. 

A short while after, Zim was sitting in Dib's lap, and Dib was resting his head on top of Zim's. Both of them had their eyes closed. Neither of them seemed to be paying attention to what was going on.

Without realizing what he was doing, Dib wrapped his arms around Zim, holding him close. In response, Zim snuggled into Dib's embrace, turning to rest sideways across Dib's lap so that his Pak wasn't in the way. Dib felt warmth in his chest, a smile stretching across his lips.

Reaching one hand up from around Zim, Dib grabbed the bag of chips, opening it. As he and the green alien sat there, they shared the chips. Dib realized that for the first time in weeks, there was a moment of silence. Usually, at school at least, he was constantly being assaulted by taunts and insults. For now, however, all was quiet. 

Dib was happy. All was right in the world, or at least in this bubble of quiet. As he snuggled closer to Zim, Dib drifted off to sleep. Opening his eyes, Dib realized he was standing in a field of grass. It came up to his waist, yellow and green stretching on to an infinite horizon. Turning around, he saw a single tree breaking the horizon, a middling distance away. Not too far, but not close either. Its gnarled branches stretched into the sky, leaves shifting gently in a gentle breeze.

When he stepped towards the tree, the grass parted in front of him. The shifting blades leaned apart, stilling. The farther he walked, the more it changed. First a simple dirt path appeared; it quickly paved itself underfoot with cobblestone. As it widened, pale fencing sprung up on either side, flowers painted winding their way up the wood. 

Overhead, the grasses reached up and twined to gether, forming an archway, before pulling apart into a lattice pattern. This done, they bloomed into shining violet wisteria. It drooped down around his shoulders, growing until he had to push his way through it.

By the time Dib had reached the tree, a stunning pavilion had formed around it, gentle water babbling through small conduits, covered with lavender latticing. Through them, koi fish swam. With one step into the pavilion, the tree burst into bloom, lavender, wisteria, bluebells, and morning glory all hanging from its boughs. With another, small stalls appeared around the edges of the plaza, decorations hanging from them, all fully stocked with food and other goodies. As he stepped a third time, the sky overhead spun, the clouds passing overhead rapidly, the sun seeming to roll across the sky like a marble, the moon appearing overhead.

As Dib continued walking, people appeared all around him. By now, Dib had realized he was dreaming, so he hardly questioned it when humans were a rare sight. Of the fifty or so people walking around the plaza, only one or two were identifiable as human. There were a few irkens walking around as well, but a majority of the folk there were simplestly described as monsters. Hurns twirled from some of their heads, fins spread from the sides of others. 

Each and every one of them had a smile on their face, walking around, enjoying what appeared to be a festival. Manning the stalls were more of the beastly menagerie, smiling at their customers. Walking into the crowd, Dib realized that none of them could see him. As he reached the tree, they all disappeared. 

Sitting in the branches of the tree, kicking his legs back and forth, was Alastor. A grin on his face, he reached a hand down to Dib, as if to pull him up. Raising an eyebrow, Dib eschewed the outreached hand in favor of climbing the tree on his own. He wasn;t falling for anymore of the demon’s tricks.

“Oh fine, be that way. I was just offering some help,” Alastor said, the same grin on his face.

“I still remember the last time you tried to ‘help’,” Dib replied, hauling himself onto the branch where Alastor was sitting. The flowers dripping from its branches crushed under him, but they sprung back as soon as he shifted his weight.

“You know, I fully expected you to ask for me to get rid of it as soon as I laid the curse on you,” Alastor said, standing up, balancing on the branch. “However, this will be much more entertaining.”

The next thing he knew, Dib was startled awake by a hand slamming down on the table in front of him, hard.

"So, the two love birds finally got together?" Gaz asked, on hand on her hip, the other holding her game system.

"What are you talking about?" Dib said, not lifting his head from where it was resting against Zim's. He was still half asleep.

"Look down, dumbass," Gaz said, raising one eyebrow. Dib did and immediately pushed Zim off of him. This startled Zim awake. Upon seeing what was going on, he also pushed Dib away. Dib ended up falling off of the bench, and ended up sprawled across the floor, a jumble of limbs.

"Did you two idiots really not realize you were cuddling?" Gaz asked, looking like she wanted to start laughing. 

"LIES! The Dib-Stink and I were not CUDDLING! YOU LIE!" Zim shouted, jumping up onto the tabletop and pointing dramatically at Gaz.

"Uh-huh. Sure. Right. Totally," Gaz replied, raising an eyebrow, before walking away. 

"I have no idea what Gaz was talking about," Dib said, as he got up off the floor and dusted off his coat.

"Neither do I. Also, lunch just didn't happen today," Zim said, standing up and walking away.

"Of course."


	4. Crush-O-Matic MKII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! THanks for all the comments, they really help me stay motivated! Alastor doesn't appear in this chapter, but his tomfoolery is mentioned. :P
> 
> Also, Membrane is a Good Dad in this fic. Fite me.

Stepping into his room, Dib sighed. It had been one hell of a day. He was still wondering what Alastor meant when he said that this was going to be entertaining. To be honest, Dib was kinda worried.

On top of that, there was what had happened at lunch. Dib still refused to consider deeply what it meant that he had  _ cuddled _ Zim, and it had felt so natural that he hadn't even noticed until someone pointed it out. Dib could still feel the blush spread across his cheeks. 

Shrugging off his jacket, Dib sat on the edge of his bed and ran his hands through his hair. Dealing with what had happened at lunch would have been hard enough, but there was also this stupid curse. 

As Dib put his hands on his knees to stand up, he saw his arms. They were covered in the same fluff. Jumping up, Dib ran to the bathroom to look in the mirror. There he saw that he was completely covered in the silky grey fluff. Yanking off his shirt, he saw that it ran all the way down his back and stomach, looking almost like a cashmere sweater. 

Great. Running to the kitchen, Dib hopped over the side of the stair railing to get downstairs a little quicker. As he reached the kitchen where Membrane was currently making toast, Dib started shouting.

"Dad, we need to go to labs right now!" Dib said, coming to a stop in the kitchen doorway.

"Well Dib, while I am glad that you are taking an interest in science, might I ask what has brought about this sudden interest?" Membrane asked, still facing the window as he buttered his toast.

"I'd think that looking at me could answer that question! Turn around!" Dib responded, angrily. Membrane turned around and looked concerned.

"Oh my. Were you doing some sort of experiment and something went wrong? Are you okay?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

"To answer both of your questions: close enough. Now let's get to the lab. If anyone can fix this, you can!" Dib said, stepping forward to grab Membrane's sleeve and pull him towards the front door.

"Dib?" Membrane said, raising one eyebrow.

"What?!" Dib shouted, clearly impatient.

"Maybe you should put on a shirt first," Membrane said, pointing upstairs.

"Oh. Right," Dib said, letting go of Membrane's sleeve and running upstairs.

In his room, Dib pulled open his closet door and grabbed a shirt off of a hanger at random. Grabbing his coat off of the back of his chair where he had left it, Dib ran out of his room before stopping short and running back in.

"I'd better not take any chances," Dib muttered to himself before opening his desk drawers to look for something. Grabbing a water pistol full of holy water, he pocketed it before turning back to his search. In the other drawer was a small safe. Quickly spinning the combination to open it, Dib revealed a sheathed silver dagger. Quickly grabbing it from its place in the safe, Dib looped it through his belt loops. Belt sheaths were amazing.

Running back downstairs, Dib chuckled to himself. At least there would be no…  _ interference _ on this trip. If he was being honest, the most annoying part of this curse so far was having to suffer through that demon’s annoying personality. Couldn’t it just leave him alone?

“Okay, let's get to the labs,” Dib said, running back into the living room. His father nodded, his brow furrowed. “I’m going to be fine, dad. Just. Let’s see if you can fix whatever this is.”

“Okay, Dib. I’m allowed to be worried about you, you know,” Membrane said, as he walked out the door.

A few minutes later, at the labs, Dib was sitting on the edge of an exam table while Membrane tried to draw some blood for an in-depth analysis. However, the fluff wasn’t making this any easier. Eventually, Membrane threw his hands up in exasperation. Walking over to the other side of the room, he grabbed something that looked like a hair razor from one of his tool cabinets. Grabbing Dib’s arm, he just shaved a patch of the fluff off so he could actually draw blood.

Mere seconds after the needle had been removed from Dib’s arm, the fluff had grown back.

“Well it doesn’t look like just investing in some razors will do the trick!” Membrane said, jokingly. When Dib’s only response was a deadpan expression with one eyebrow raised, Membrane just chuckled to himself and dropped the blood sample in a pneumatic tube for testing. Seconds later, a small device dropped out of another tube.

“Let’s take a look at the results, shall we?” Membrane said, picking up the device. About the size of a dollar coin, when he pressed the middle of it, it expanded to twice its size. Slowly, it rose up over his hand, hovering in place. When he walked back over to Dib, it stayed where it was.

“This device is something new I’ve been working on! A lot of patients are rather impatient with explanations of their bloodwork, so this handy-dandy device projects a hologram showing the relevant information in an easily understandable way!” Membrane explained, acting like a kid on Christmas. The only thing he loved more than showing off his inventions was his kids.

After only a cursory look at the results, Membrane’s face visibly paled. 

“Dib, what were you doing/ how did you mess your DNA up this badly? Its a miracle you’re still cognizant!” Membrane said, pointing at the hologram.

“Dad, I don’t know what exactly you’re talking about. I can see that something is messed up, but I don’t know what exactly.”

“Well fist of all, according to these results, you’re half moth! Secondly, its not exactly normal for blood cells to have writing on them!” Membrane said, pacing around the room, running one hand through his hair.

“Wait, moth?” Dib said, furrowing his brow. Then he remembered how, before he’d realized Alastor wasn’t a genie, he’d asked to meet Mothman. “ALASTOR YOU ASSHOLE!” Dib shouted, angrily.

“Dib! Language! Also, who is Alastor?” Membrane said, crossing and uncrossing his arms.

“Nobody, Dad. Is there anything you can do to fix… this?” Dib said, gesturing his hands vaguely at the hologram.

“I… don’t think so?” Membrane said, one hand on his chin, thinking hard.

“Of course science wouldn’t be able to fix this. Its black magic,” Dib said, standing up.

“What? Dib, there’s no such thing as magic,” Membrane replied.

“Whatever. I know you won't believe me, so let's just drop it,” Dib said, storming out of the room and into the lab hallways. For a moment, a hurt look flashed across Membrane’s face, but he quickly followed Dib out into the hallway.

“I do have something I think you’d like to see!” Membrane said, as he caught up with Dib. Dib just stopped walking and looked at his dad.

“Sure. Whatever. Where is it?” Dib said, looking at Membrane. Grinning, Membrane gestured for Dib to follow him before taking off running down the hall. 

When he finally caught up with his dad, Dib was struggling to catch his breath. How did he run that fast? After a moment, he looked around to see he was standing in a mostly empty room. However, the center was dominated by a large machine with a door on one side.

“So what does it do?” Dib asked, walking up to it. He had to admit, it felt… important. He didn’t know why, it just did. Maybe it had something to do with the design? The shape of it was rather like a Valentine Day heart, but other than that, it had the same aesthetic as all Membrane Labs machinery. Cold, sleek, and various shades of white and blue.

“That’s a surprise! Here, step inside!” Membrane said, opening the door on the side to reveal a small room with a comfortable looking chair on the inside. Stepping in and sitting down, Dib took a moment to look at his surroundings. The interior was actually rather cozy, with faux- wood paneling for the walls and a comfortably thick plum-colored carpet. 

“Will you at least tell me what it’s called?” Dib asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Presenting to you: The Crush-O-Matic MK II!” Membrane said, grinning.

“Dad, either you need to work on naming things, or this is a really complicated execution device, and a waste of good carpet,” Dib replied, deadpan.

“The name is quite the work in progress, I agree. It analyzes your brain and determines who you have a crush on! The original design was little more than a chair with a dome on the top, design wise, but we found that the subject has to be relaxed for it to work properly,” Membrane said, smiling. “Now, wait where you are. The results are displayed outside,” he continued, stepping out the door. A second later, the walls shimmered and faded to transparency, revealing Membrane standing at a control board.

“Feeling relaxed?” Membrane asked, speaking into a microphone.

“Sure?” Dib replied, sitting back in the chair.

A few minutes later, Dib could tell the machine was working, because his dad was clearly smiling.

“Who is it?” Dib asked, hoping there was a microphone on this end.

“Your little green friend! You know, I always thought you two were really close!” Membrane replied. For a second, Dib just stared, dumbfounded. Once what Membrane had said had really sunk in, he jumped out of the chair, walked over to the door, stepped out, and slammed it shut behind him.

“Two things. One, your machine is CLEARLY broken, as I have ABSOLUTELY NO FEELINGS for Zim besides HATRED and LOATHING. Secondly, I’m going home!” Dib said, blushing furiously, before storming out of the room and walking home.


	5. Sleepy Bois

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are tired. They are very tired. Also, uh, yeah this fic is now heading into Fun Facts About Moths territory! See if you can figure them out!

The next day at school, Dib was not having a good day. He couldn’t go ten minutes without glancing over at Zim, and each time he did it felt like an atomic bomb went off in his stomach. He kept telling himself he was just upset over the “results” of the machine his dad had built. After all, there was no other reason he would be feeling this way. None. Not any at all. 

When the bell rang signaling the end of the class period, Dib stood up. He was just going to have to confront Zim, that was all there was too it. A good fight to remind himself of why he hated Zim. Hate. Yes. Hate. Not love.

As he walked past Zim, Dib quickly kicked one leg out to sweep Zim’s legs out from under him. 

“Oh no, did the space-boy trip?” Dib said over his shoulder, hands in his pockets, smug grin on his face, as he walked away. One eyebrow raised, one side of his smile crookedly hanging higher than the other. As he walked, he radiated an aura of smug satisfaction. Turning out the door, and out of sight of his classmates, Dib swaggered off towards the bathroom. After kicking out a freshman who was furiously scribbling down the answers to a homework due the next period, Dib’s posture changed.

The crooked smirk dropped off his face, replaced by a blushing frown. The gleam in his eyes was washed away by a glittering embarrassment. Running his hands through his hair, Dib barely suppressed a scream. This was awful! He couldn’t even knock Zim over without feeling like… this! Whatever this was!

Holding himself upright against the sink, Dib looked at himself in the mirror. He was lucky everyone in this school looked like a freak. Anywhere else in the world and he’d have been completely destroyed by now, looking like this. Instead, nobody had even seemed to notice that he was all of a sudden covered in a fine grey down. The same ignorance that prevented them from realizing Zim was an alien was now all that saved him from a grisly fate. 

Wait a second. Looking in the mirror, Dib realized he was fluffed up. He looked like a poodle that some toddler had taken a blowdryer to! Storming out of the bathroom, Dib crossed his arms. Could today get any worse?

Apparently, it could. Great. Just Dib’s luck.

At lunch, Gaz sat down next to him. At first, it seemed like she was only interested in playing her game. Then she opened her mouth.

“You totally have a crush on Zim,” she said, not even looking up from her game.

“No! I do not have a crush on Zim, he’s my worst enemy!” Dib retorted, grimacing.

“Uh-huh. Sure. Hey look, it looks like Gretchen is flirting with Zim,” Gaz said, looking vaguely towards the other side of the cafeteria.

“What? Where? I’ll kill that carrot-topped freak!” Dib exclaimed, jumping up from his seat and slamming his hands down on the table.

“He’s not actually, dumbass. I was just proving a point,” Gaz replied, rolling her eyes. “You, the smelly trash bag that you are, have fallen in love with an alien.”

“I do not smell!” Dib said, sitting back down and glaring at Gaz. In response, she simply chuckled and reached into her bag. She pulled out an air freshener and hung it from the end of Dib’s hair scythe. As he pulled it off, grumbling, she got up and disposed of her tray, before strolling out of the cafeteria. Now, that wasn’t technically allowed, but even the teachers were scared of Gazlene Membrane. She and Mrs. Bitters were actually on equal footing.

All of a sudden, Dib’s head was flung forward into the table by the weight of a green alien tackling him. Groaning, Dib pried Zim off of the back of his head.

“What the hell was that?” Dib asked, angrily.

“The Gaz-sister said something about crushing the Zim?! This will not happen! I am too powerful for any pathetic human to crush to death!” Zim announced, jumping back onto Dib’s shoulders and yanking at his hair. However, something about Earth’s atmosphere had seemed to agree with Zim and he’d had several growth spurts through the years, now coming up to a respectable 5’8”. So, instead of being a short gremlin attacking Dib, Zim was in fact nearly Dib’s height. He paid no attention to this fact as he continued to attack Dib, however.

Seeing as Dib already wasn’t having a good day and was rather put off-balance just by Zim being near, for some reason, this wild waving around atop Dib’s head sent both of them tumbling to the ground. Dib took this chance to jump up and run away, but not before kicking Zim in the ribs.

At home, Dib was sitting at the kitchen table, hands in his hair, having a mental crisis. How was he going to defend Earth if he couldn't even fight the enemy?

Wait. He probably just had a stomach bug. Yeah. That was it. He'd be fine in the morning. There were no underlying problems here that he needed to face. Professor Membrane's machine must have just been busted. Sure, it would be the only time Dib could think of where that would be the case, but there was a first time for everything. 

Sighing, Dib stood up. The best thing for a stomach bug was lots of rest, so he'd better head to his room. Honestly, a nap sounded a lot better right now than advanced Calc homework. As he walked down the hall at the top of the stairs, Dib smiled at the thought of curling up under a mountain of blankets and drifting off to sleep. Calc could go jump off a bridge.

As Dib tossed his backpack into the corner of the room, however, he heard a scrabbling at his window. Shrugging it off as just a squirrel or something, he rubbed his eyes and started walking over to his bed. After a single step, however, Dib heard a crash and the sound of shattering glass over near his window.

Looking over, he saw a green alien clambering through the now broken window. After a moment to brush the shards of glass off of his outfit, Zim dramatically pointed at Dib.

“If you think Zim will simply allow this morning’s slight to go unpunished, you are as much a fool as the rest of your species!” he declared, knocking over Dib’s wardrobe so he would have something to dramatically pose over. In response, Dib walked over and calmly clocked him in the chin with a well-placed punch.

With an enraged howl, Zim launched himself at Dib’s chest, claws outstretched. Dib had to lean backward to avoid getting his throat ripped out.

“Wow, whatever I did really made you mad, huh, space-boy?” dib said, grabbing Zim by the collar of his shirt and yanking him to the side. While Zim was getting back up, Dib quickly grabbed the water pistol full of holy water from where he’d left it on his desk.

“DO NOT DARE TO PRETEND. YOU DIDN’T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE DOING!” Zim screamed, engaging his Pak legs. While he stood still, his Pak legs stabbed around the room, almost stabbing clean through Dib several times. Eventually, however, Dib managed to get in a good shot with the water pistol. 

While Zim shrieked in pain, Dib jumped up to stand on the headboard of his bed. 

“Look, Zim, I’m really tired and don't have the energy to deal with whatever alien culture shock you’re mad about, so just get out before I spray you again,” Dib said, yawning.

“GET OUT? GET OUT?! YOU INSOLENT LOWER LIFEFORM!” Zim shouted, launching himself at Dib once again. However, equal and opposite reaction and all that, this just caused him to bounce off the wall, taking Dib with him. As the two of them landed on the bed, Dib had approximately five seconds to think "Oh no" before his days of sleep deprivation overtook him and he fell unconscious. 

A few hours later, Dib started to wake up. However, it wasn't his usual return to consciousness, abrupt and sudden, punctuated by the shrill shriek of his alarm, he woke up slowly. He was just laying in bed, comfortable. His pillow was soft, he was warm, and, just for a moment, all was right in the world. Wrapped in his arms was Zim, who was purring softly in his sleep.

Wait. Record scratch. Roll back the tape. What was that last part? Dib thought to himself, opening his eyes.

Now deliberately taking in his surroundings, Dib realized that he had his arms wrapped around a sleeping Zim, their foreheads together. Zim was fast asleep, as evidenced by the bit of drool at the corner of his mouth. Honestly, it was kind of adorable.

WAIT. NO. NOT ADORABLE. HIDEOUS. It wasn’t at all making Dib’s heart melt the way that Zim had wrapped his antennae around Dib’s hairscythe, or the way one of his hands clenched in the fabric of Dib’s shirt as if he was trying to hold on to the moment. Dib totally didn’t want to snuggle his head against where Zim’s other hand was laid against DIb’s cheek. 

No, it didn’t make him want to cry when he pushed Zim off onto the floor.

No, it didn’t hurt when Zim looked confused, and hurt, for a moment before he too seemed to realize what was going on and ran away.

No Dib didn’t bury his head under the covers and cry. Why would he do that? He hated Zim.

After a while, Dib got up and walked downstairs. He wasn’t very hungry, but he hadn’t eaten all day and knew Gaz would yell at him if he didn’t eat something, so he grabbed a bowl of cornflakes. Yes, it was the middle of the night. No, he did not care.

At the table, sipping some tea, was Membrane. He was reading over some reports while he drank his tea, but when Dib sat down he looked up.

“Dib, you look… ill. Are you okay?” he asked, clearly concerned.

“I’m fine, Dad. Just… Just tired.”

Back at his base, Zim was pacing around his lab, strangely silent. This wasn’t his normal anger, loud and obnoxious. Nor was he schmoopy. This was Zim’s cold anger, a grudge not quickly forgotten.

“Of course the Dib-Stink doesn’t care. Why would he? I was the fool for thinking he did,” Zim said, nearly inaudibly, his brow furrowed His pacing continued, his antennae flat against his head.

“I should have remembered the past,” Zim said, a few minutes later, “Should have remembered the Derb incident.”

“I should have remembered that an Irken’s only duty is to the Empire,” he continued, a while later, coming to a stop in front of the main screen on the wall.

“I should have never grown lax in my attempts to conquer this planet. Should have never grown soft,” Zim muttered, clenching his hands into fists.

“Softness is weakness, and weakness is so easily hurt.”


	6. Membrane gets Mad at the Armada because they're Back on Their Bullshit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zim: Hm yes my Pak is on the fritz and Membrane is a Smart man, asking for his help in no way Risks revealing that I am Not Human!
> 
> AKA Zim is a dumbass, but what's new? Meanwhile, Membrane's worldview crumbles to dust around him.

For the fifth time that hour, Zim threw the device he was working on against the wall, where it joined the four other schemes-in-the-making. Just like the rest of them, it wasn't good enough. Of course, at any other time, Zim would have delighted in using them, even if they resulted in failure. Now, however, anything less than perfect wasn't at all good enough.

"Computer! I need ideas!" Zim shouted, standing up.

"Maybe talk about your feelings? Try to get over your deep-seated trust issues? Actually ask Dib on a date?" Computer replied, sarcastically. 

"Computer! You dare imply that the mighty Zim is- is in any way- in any way hurt by Dib-filth's actions?" Zim shouted, kicking over the chair he had just been sitting in. 

"I never said that," Computer replied, the _but you know it's true_ in his words all too evident in his tone of voice.

"Stop! Zim is amazing! To think that a lower life form could cause me pain is laughable in the extreme!" Zim declared, a false grin spread across his face. Of course, this was how he always dealt with his problems. Smile and put on a show of bravado, ignore the bad feelings. 

"A-And even if it d- Even if Dib- And-" Zim said, his voice cracking, his smile hanging crooked, slipping. This was how Zim always dealt with his problems. Wasn't to say it always worked. His legs gave out beneath him, and Zim fell to the floor in a sobbing heap. 

Then, in Dib's house- it was so similar to the old Irken custom of a fight followed by a show of trust- but no. Zim was a fool to think that Dib would even know about that custom; he was human after all. And even if he did, Zim should have known better than to think that-

So it was a good thing that Zim didn't feel that way. At all. After all, such feelings were banned! All of an Irken's loyalty must go to the Tallests. Anything else was treason.

And no, Zim didn't allow Computer to lift him from the ground using cables and wires. No, Zim didn't fall asleep, tears still stealing his face, wrapped in the closest thing Computer could give him to a hug.

After all, that would have been a display of emotions that Zim most certainly did not feel. At all. In any way.

Only a Detective would feel that way.

And Zim was Irk’s greatest Invader!

Not-

He wasn’t Defective!

He wasn’t.

* * *

A while later, Zim was once again pacing, this time around his living room. What he needed was a Pak analysis so he would be able to settings the problem and focus on his mission again, but performing such a procedure on himself would be dangerous, to say the least. While usually, Zim would laugh in the face of danger, for some reason he was hesitant to do so now.

Deep in thought, Zim didn't notice when Gir pulled him onto the couch and sat a bowl of popcorn in his lap. When the intro song for one of Gir's favorite cartoons played, however, Zim did notice. Jumping up, he threw the bowl of popcorn against the wall and stalked out of the room, his antennae twitching in annoyance. 

"Surely there's someone on this backwater planet that could figure out how to do a Pak analysis!" Zim reclaimed, stomping his foot. "I mean it's not like I can leave to go to Irk for one. I have my mission to think of!"

"Yes, and it's not like you live a block away from this planet's greatest scientist," Computer said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. 

"I know! I live only a block away from this planet's greatest scientist! Applaud my genius, Computer!" Zim announced, grinning.

"Do I have to?" Computer groaned, in a way that implied if he had eyes, he would have been rolling them. Ignoring Computer's exasperated tone, Zim ran to his room and grabbed his wig and contacts. Yes, it would have been more efficient to have Computer store them somewhere safer, but he knew better than to bring it up to Zim. 

Quickly donning his "brilliant disguise", Zim ran back to the living room and out the front door.

"What are you up to this time?" Computer pondered aloud, before having to divert his attention to Gir to prevent the little robot from scribbling on the walls.

* * *

As Zim walked up the Membrane Household driveway, he couldn’t help but glance upwards towards the window of Dib’s room. It had already been repaired, and looked like Zim had never been there.

Why on _Irk_ did that hurt.

As Zim knocked on the front door, he fritted his teeth. Hopefully, Dib wouldn’t be the one to answer the door. If he was- Well, running away was always an option. After all, Dib-Stink was a threat to his mission! And might try to capture Zim! So it wouldn’t be good to stay around if Dib answered the door, was all. There wasn’t any other reason, why would there be?

As the door opened, Zim almost bolted- almost. He was glad he didn’t when he saw that it was Gaz who had opened the door.

“Look, Dib’s moping in his room, and isn’t feeling well. If you fuck with him, I’ll rip your antennae off,” Gaz said, grabbing Zim by the collar and pinning him to the doorframe.

“I- I’m not here to see the Dib-Human! I wanted to speak to your parent-person!” Zim exclaimed, holding his hands up as a show of peace. Gaz let his collar slip from her fingers, freeing him, but she raised an eyebrow.

“And why do you want to talk to Dad? You going to ask for his blessing?” Gaz replied, smirking.

“Blessing? Is your parental unit some sort of primitive shaman?” Zim asked, his brow furrowed.

“It’s a turn of phrase, you dumb bug. If you said that to him, he’d probably laugh in your face,” Gaz said, rolling her eyes. “And anyway, he’s not here. He’s at the labs right now,”

“I’ll... just be going, then,” Zim said, inching his way backwards. When he saw Dib coming down the stairs, asking who was at the door, Zim turned on his heel and ran. After all, he wanted to get to his destination as quickly as possible!

* * *

At the labs, Zim looked worriedly up at the tall building. He knew that Professor Membrane could be a bit… oblivious, but he’d really be pushing it this time. Well, Zim could always pass his Pak off as just a life support device- boiled down to the simplest explanation, that was technically the truth. Gritting his teeth, Zim strolled through the door, only to find Professor Membrane already waiting in the lobby. He sat in one of the dozen or so chairs lining one wall, obviously waiting, his legs crossed and resting his head on one hand.

“Ah! Zim! Gaz called and said you were on your way,” he said, uncrossing his legs and standing up. “How may I help you?”

“Ah, well, my AMAZING Pak- Eh, Life Support Thingie- has been on the fritz, and I was wondering if you could take a look at it?” Zim said, puffing out his chest and standing as tall as he could.

“Oh? Well, that’s certainly very serious, but why aren’t you having your regular doctor take a look at it? I assume you have one, with the array of health conditions you have,” Membrane replied, as he started to walk into the building proper. As he walked, he gestured for Zim to follow.

“Well, its rather an emergency, and they are rather far away,” Zim said, following Membrane quickly.

* * *

The professor had led him to a room with a small circular platform in it.

“Well, I’ll need to get a look at the device. If you wouldn’t mind stepping up onto that platform for a minute, I’ll be able to get a good scan of it,” Membrane cheerily said, walking over to a stand with a few monitors on it. Warily, Zim stepped up. As soon as he had, a blue metal rose up on all sides, enclosing him in a tube, before turning transparent. 

Worried that the Professor must have finally figure out that he was an alien, Zim turned to look at the professor. He was relieved to see that Membrane wasn’t grinning evilly or declaring victory, and was instead simply looking at some data. Zim was even more relieved when, after a few seconds, the metal dropped away and he could step off the platform.

“Well, Zim, it looks li-” Membrane started to say, before being cut off by Zim.

“Do you think you can fix it?” Zim asked, not seeming to care that Membrane had been speaking.

“Well yes, but I think I might need to call Dib and ta-” Membrane said, furrowing his eyebrows, before once again being cut off by Zim.

“No! The Dib-Filth and I are NOT on speaking terms right now!” Zim announced, grimacing.

Blinking, Membrane walked over to a bench and sat down, After a few moments of holding his head in his hands and muttering to himself, he stood back up, straightened his goggles, and held up a hand.

“Would you mind telling me what issues you are having, exactly?” he asked, his demeanor a bit stiff. As he spoke, he walked over to a pneumatic tube and input a code. After a moment, his tablet popped up in a case.

“Oh, my emotional inhibitors are just on the fritz! It would also be nice if you could take a look at the Loyalty Protocol Hard Drive, it would save me a bit of trouble, but that’s less of an emergency,” Zim replied, smiling as if what he was saying was the most normal thing in the world. He didn’t seem to notice when Membrane’s grip on his tablet tightened to the point that the screen cracked, nor his sharp intake of breath. Zim did notice the professor’s look of concern, however. “Oh, don’t worry! The emotional inhibitors aren’t completely burned out yet, they just need a bit of repair!” he exclaimed, waving one hand in a gesture of flippancy.

“That’s not why- You know what? Sure! Sure, why not. I’m assuming you need to remain connected to your life support at all times, so if you don’t mind, follow me to an operation room!” Membrane said, plastering a smile across his face.

“Of course!” Zim said, walking after Membrane.

* * *

A few hours later, Zim woke up in a hospital bed and rubbed his eyes. After stretching and yawning, he looked around. When he saw Membrane sitting in a chair nearby, looking at some sort of schematics, Zim spoke up.

“I assume, since I’m not dead, that everything went well?” Zim asked.

“Oh yes, everything went perfectly well! Some of the things in your Pak were rather complicated, but I managed!” Membrane replied, putting away his tablet. “Now, I do have one more thing to show you, if you don't mind!”

Warily, Zim stood up. As he did, he realized he felt a lot better. Lighter, almost. Grinning with genuine happiness, Zim walked out of the room. Membrane stayed behind for a moment, smiling after him. As soon as the door was closed, however, the smile dropped, and he placed one finger to the side of his head to activate his headset. 

“Yes, he’s doing fine. Make sure those things are well and surely destroyed. I swear if I ever get my hands on whoever invented that cockamamie, well. Let’s just say it’ll be a good thing I never took the Hippocratic Oath,” he said, his eyebrows furrowed. This done, his smile returned, and he walked out of the room to show Zim to the Crush-O-Matic MK II.

* * *

As he sat down in the machine, Zim looked around warily. This seemed a bit… odd. And he didn’t know what the machine did, but the name didn't exactly inspire confused.

"And what does this thing do?" Zim asked, drumming his fingers against the arm of the chair. 

"It analyzes your brainwaves to determine if you b have a crush on someone, and if so, who," Membrane replied. After making sure that Zim wasn't too nervous, he started tapping on the startup commands. "Of course, I'm unsure of if it will work on you, what wi-"

"Why wouldn't it work?! Zim is human! Yes!" Zim shouted, very loudly.

"Sure. I was going to say that you aren't very relaxed," Membrane replied, raising one eyebrow. After a moment, he shrugged and flicked a switch, turning on the Crush-O-Matic.

"You lie! You LIE!" Zim shouted, as he nervously gripped the arms of the chair, "Zim is very relaxed!"

"Look, it's perfectly normal to be a bit nervous when a piece of experimental technology is being used on you," Membrane said, trying to calm Zim down. 

"Zim is never nervous! Now, is this pathetic thing quite finished doing whatever it's supposed to do so that I may leave?" Zim retorted.

"Oh yes, it's done. And it looks like my suspicions were correct!" Membrane happily announced.

"Zim is human! The machine is lying!" Zim shouted, jumping from the chair and preparing to blast his way out of Membrane Labs if he had to.

"I never said you weren't, the machine just analyzes who you have a crush on," Membrane said, trying to placate the scared alien.

"Eh? It analyzes who I want to crush in battle?" Zim asked.

"No, I meant crush as in who you want to romantically pursue," Membrane said, shaking his head and chuckling. "And it looks like you-" However, before Membrane could finish speaking, Zim had run out of the room screaming something about not being defective.

Before turning off the machine, Membrane looked down at the display, and the picture of Dib curled up on a couch with Zim wrapped in his arms that had been pulled from the depths of Zim's mind.


	7. Chilling Chilling Chilled to the Bone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feast on your tears, dear readers. I feast on your tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tears while I wrote this were so worth it.

As Dib woke up that morning, he was very tempted just to roll over and go back to sleep. If the last few days were anything to go by, today would be rather awful. On top of that, he was exhausted. He was exhausted and he felt downright sick. Which in and of itself was odd, since he hardly ever got sick. However, Dib didn't really want to ponder his illness, he just wanted a hot shower and maybe some chicken noodle soup.

Rolling out of bed, Dib stood up and stretched, yawning as he did so. Rolling his shoulders, he walked over to his desk and pulled out the silver dagger he'd carried around the other day. There wasn't any school today, so he could feasibly carry it around all day. However, there wasn't any guarantee that it would have any effect on the demon, and knowing his luck, he would probably trip and impale himself on its point.

Shrugging, he decided if Alastor showed up, he could just punch him in the face. I mean, it's not like the demon didn't deserve it. And Dib was tired of this. Not tired of the curse itself; while annoying, it was a goldmine of paranormal research. No, he was tired of Alastor treating his life like a bad fanfic. Dib was also feeling emotionally tired, but he didn't know why.

Now awake fully, Dib walked back over to his bed and grabbed his glasses. When he put them on, however, they refused to stay put. The glasses just kept slipping off of his face, almost like-no. Oh HELL no.

Running to the bathroom while holding his glasses to his face, Dib thought back to a few years ago, when he and Zim had fallen through that interdimensional portal. Dib thought of his alternate and felt sick.

Dodging past Gaz in the hallway, Dib slammed open the bathroom door and turned to look in the mirror. Dread piercing his heart, Dib saw his reflection. What he saw in the mirror horrified him.

His nose was gone, and so were his ears. His hair scythe was splitting down the middle, like antennae. Speaking of hair, all of Dib's hair had turned grey. It was darker than the ashen grey of his fluff, but it was still grey. Dib's pupils had turned the same golden orange as his irises, just a lot darker. Speaking of his irises, they had spread, the whites of his eyes completely gone. Backing against the wall, Dib sank to the ground. He pulled his knees against his chest. 

After a moment, having noticed that Dib hadn't closed the door, Gaz walked over and knocked on the door frame. When she received no reply, she peeked in. She saw her brother on the floor, curled in on himself, staring at nothing. 

"Dib? What's going on? You're acting like dad does whenever he sees a Jaws display at the mall," she said, walking over. When Dib didn't b respond, she knelt down beside him. "Dib, seriously, are you okay?" Gas asked, showing a rare bit of sibling concern without her usual facade of not caring at all. Still not getting a response, Gaz grabbed Dib's shoulders and shook him.

At Gaz's touch, Dib seemed to snap back to reality. He still seemed shell shocked, though. When he looked up, though, Gaz saw what had sent him into this state. She didn't know why, but she could see what.

"You look awful," she said, pulling him to his feet, "but we can deal with that later. For now, you are going to ask Dad for some sort of hover-based glasses frames, okay?" she said, pulling Dib out the door and downstairs. Asher a few steps, Dib started walking on his own. By the time they got downstairs, he seemed mostly normal again.

A while later, while Membrane was down in his lab working on some hover glasses for Dib, Gaz was teasing Dib about not wanting contacts while they both ate breakfast. 

"Honestly though, what was all that about?" Gaz asked, now that Dib seemed fully calmed down.

"I- I don't want to talk about it," Dib said, looking down at his bowl of oatmeal.

"Look, if someone at school has been teasing you, I'm not morally opposed to murder. Just real life XP," Gaz said, shrugging her shoulders. "And I don't keep my collector's swords sharp for no reason."

"No!" Dib exclaimed, dropping his spoon.

"No what? No as in nobody is teasing you, or no as in you don't want me level grinding?" Gaz said raising one eyebrow.

"No one is teasing me about the curse. Mainly because they're all so oblivious I could show up with the entire heavenly host and they wouldn't notice, but same difference," Dib said, rolling his eyes.

"Okay then, what's the big deal?" Gaz asked, before finishing off her scrambled eggs.

"It just… reminded me of something I'd rather forget," Dib said, grabbing his spoon off of the table where it had fallen.

"Look, you obviously don't wanna talk about it, but if you decide you need me to beat someone up, I've got your back," Gaz said, standing up and taking her plate over to the sink to wash it. "And if you decide you do want to talk, I'm here for that to."

"Thanks, Gaz."

* * *

A few hours later, Dib was sitting on the floor of his room trying to get used to moving his antennae. Looking at his reflection still made him really uneasy, but he'd rather deal with that then hit them against the top of a doorframe again. That hurt.

Just as Dib would manage to get one antenna to lay flat, the other one would pop back up. On top of that, it was really weird hearing and smelling from the same thing. Plus, it was throwing off his balance. 

As Dib finally managed to get his new antennae to lay flat, the entire house was rocked by a massive explosion. The windows rattled in their frames, and an old ramen cup fell from Dib's desk. Looking around, Dib realized the sound of the explosion had come from the direction of Zim's house. Jumping up, Dib ran out of his bedroom, grabbing his signature trench coat on the way. 

As his feet pounded across the sidewalk seconds later, Dib's heart was racing even faster. He could see smoke on the horizon, billowing from where he knew Zim's house was. Thick and black, it choked the sky. He could smell it from his house, acrid and cloying. 

Dib was running purely on adrenaline right then, not even stopping to wonder why he was so worried about Zim. By all means, he should be walking calmly, a grin on his face. Instead, Dib was sprinting at top speed, careening around corners and hopping fences. As he turned the corner to the street where Zim lived, Dib wasn't thinking.

When Dib neared Zim's house, his heart nearly stopped. Zim was just… laying on the front lawn, on his stomach. His usually neatly pressed outfit was wrinkled and covered in soot. Smoke drifted up from it in places, showing blackened skin beneath.

Running up to the alien, Dib dropped to his knees beside Zim. Placing one hand against Zim's cheek, Dib choked back a sob. Zim wasn't responding. He should have slapped Dib's hand away by now.

"Come on, space-boy. Wake up. Please," Dib cried, pulling Zim into his arms. This couldn't be how it ended. But…

Zim still wasn't moving. Even as Dib's tears dripped onto his shirt, Zim didn't react. When Dib pulled Zim closer, his head lolled, dead weight.

"Zim, please. It wasn't supposed to end like this. We were never supposed to let anything but each other defeat us.

"Come on, space-boy. There's no way something as stupid as an explosion killed you. Come on, just talk to me.

"Don't you want to gloat? Rant about whatever plot this was? Declare your victory, only for me to bring it all crashing down at the last possible minute?

"Come on, you stupid alien. Wake up. Please. I-

" ...

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you, Zim. Please. I- I need you. You have  _ always  _ been there for me," Dib sobbed, his cheeks wet with tears. Setting Zim down for a second, Dib shrugged off his coat and wrapped the alien in it.

"You're getting cold, and I know how much you hate the chill. I'll stay right here till you wake up, okay, space-boy?" Dib said, picking Zim back up and wrapping him in another hug. The lack of a fight hurt more than any claws could.

"We always get in so much trouble together, don't we?" Dib asked, whispering to Zim.

"I mean, do you remember this one time…"

Sitting there holding Zim in his arms, Dib started talking about something that had happened a few years ago. As the sun dripped over the horizon, Dib spoke of a time when Zim had been really schmoopy, and had not even put up a fight when Dib dragged him to an SEN gala.

"You know, that gala sucked. They had me serving drinks! I never did thank you for busting out and wrecking it, did I? I was pretty mad at the time, but looking back, it was hilarious," Dib said, sadly chuckling. Zim didn't respond, laying cold as ice in Dib's arms. Even as Dib wailed his sorrow into the night sky, Zim was unresponsive. When Dib held Zim's forehead to his, wrapping their antennae together, Zim still didn't respond, not even a flicker behind his eyes.

As the sun began to rise, everything was silent. Even the birds seemed to realise now was not the time for song.

However, the silence was broken.

**_ PAK REBOOT PROCESS STARTED _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think I was actually going to let Zim stay dead, did you?


	8. Hiatus Announcement

Sorry guys! However, I'm doing a wrting contest and the prompt I chose is just,,,, *cries* soooo goood! REVERSE REDEMPTION ARCS BABEY! EVIL DIB!!!!! YES! I LIVE FOR THIS CONTENT! Like seriously, its just fuckennnnnn 

Dib: Traps Zim in a simulation similar to the one Zim trapped him in in the comics

Dib: Watches Zim for 1 (one) singular day before realizing "Oh shit, this bug is so lonely"  
  
Dib: Replaces his simulation self with actual self, just hops into the sim each day and hangs out with Zim, helping with plots, etc

Dib: _hops out of the sim at night to go home_

Dib: _thinks about the next days plot_

Dib: _cackles_

Dib: Wait what shit

THIS IS THE CONTENT I LIVE FOR!

I'll be back soon with Mothdib Content for y'all, so just hang in there until then! 

Also I'll be updating the Simulation fic (the one this fic is going on hiatus for) like crazy because I have a LOT to write in a single month! :P Also the secondary fic will have a oneshot intro leading into a secondary fic, just of the first day for Zim in the fic... bc of a word limit on the contest. :P

After the hiatus, Ill alternate updating the two fics!


	9. 7B

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! Soooo, I'm back. And I have a few things to say!
> 
> First of all, thank all of you so much for being so patient with me. I know I was gone for a lot longer than I said I would be, but the outline for the fic I'm going to be writing alongside this one has taken me a while. Also, I got hit full force by the Depresso Expresso, and was just having a Not Good Time.
> 
> Secondly, from now on this fic will only update once a week, on Monday nights. I know its nowhere near the frequency I was putting out before, but I have been hit hard by burnout recently and dont want it to happen again. Better to have semi-frequent chapters regularly than a whole bunch of chapters all at once, then nothing for ages, right?
> 
> Lastly, the fic I'll be writing along this one will start updating in a couple weeks and from then on will update once a week on some other day, I havent decided yet whcih one. Its not connected to this fic at all, its just a side project.
> 
> Really lastly this time, I love all of you, you're all amazing, and thanks for reading!

PAK REBOOT PROCESS INITIATED

Startled, Dib looked down. Zim’s Pak was… it was lighting up again! After a whir, and a couple clicks, the Pak legs initiated function, and burst out of the Pak, shredding Dib’s coat. They flew out to either side, stabbing into the ground, before lifting Zim into the air. After a moment, a loud zapping noise filled the air. Dib could feel his hair standing on end, could smell ozone.

There was another Zap.

And another.

And another.

And then Zim gasped, taking in air, and fell back to the ground. Dib rushed to catch him, before listening for breathing. Pressing the side of his head to Zim’s chest, Dib could hear it. Just barely there. A heartbeat, the whisper of breathing.

Zim was alive. Dib wanted to shout, to jump for joy, to laugh, a million other things. Instead, he sat there, hugging Zim tight, grinning like a madman, and cried tears of joy. 

As Zim’s eyes fluttered open seconds later, the alien didn’t understand what was going on. The last thing he remembered, he had made an error in building one of his machines, and had watched it start to explode, thinking something along the lines of “Welp, this is going to be a headache in the morning,” before everything went black. After that, it should have been a fairly routine reactivation, after a full-cease healing coma. His Pak could keep his organic body “alive” without breath or heartbeat for theoretically as long as was needed to heal wounds, everybody knew that. 

So why was it that when Zim’s eyes opened, the first thing he saw was Dib with a tear-streaked face, almost like the human- or rather, moth-person, human didn't really apply anymore- had been crying all night. Dib hadn’t really thought he’d died, did he? And even if that was the case, why would Dib be crying? He and Zim were mortal enemies!

“Dib-stink, get off of me!” Zim said, pushing Dib away.

“I- Zim, you’re alive. Th- this is-”

“Alive, and approximately five seconds from blasting you into orbit! Now get off of me so I can get back to subjugating this pathetic excuse for a planet!” Zim shouted, slipping out of Dib’s grasp as he spoke. At the mention of world domination, Dib’s expression shifted.

“Oh, yeah. A- And I’ll stop you, alien!” Dib said, his voice only wavering a little bit on the first couple syllables. Then his expression set into one of determination, and he glared at Zim. “I’ll stop all of your plots. You’ll never have this planet!”

“We’ll see, won't we?!” Zim retorted, before storming back into his base.

“Oh you’ll see alright!” Dib shouted after him, before starting the walk home. Over the coming weeks, Dib would refuse to think about that night, and how devastated he had felt when he thought he lost Zim. After all, Zim was his nemesis. Zim’s defeat was what Dib wanted! Right?


	10. Emergency Calls and Protective Space Bugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what it says in the title. :P
> 
> Also, Computer is going to (maybe) be a prominent charcter in this fic. If I remember. dsljkdflkjsadf;kjl

As Dib slept that night, he tossed and turned. It felt like as soon as he’d close his eyes he’d jolt awake again, unable to catch more than a few minutes of sleep at a time. And when he was asleep, it was only very lightly. However, around three AM, he did manage to fall soundly asleep.

When Dib woke up come morning, he knew immediately it was not going to be a good day. He had a pounding headache, and it felt like he had slept wrong, because his back was stiff and sore. Rubbing his eyes, Dib sat up in bed. He’d just woken up, and already he couldn’t wait for the day to be over. Fun.

He stood up and stretched, yawning. As he did so, there was a bright flash of red light, and the smell of jambalaya. Not particularly wanting to deal with Alastor right now, Dib flipped him off and turned to walk out of his room.

“Rude! I wasn’t even here to antagonize you!” Alastor chuckled, appearing in the doorway. Dib looked back and saw the radio demon still standing by his desk. Great, now he was either teleporting or could be in two places at once. Dib didn’t know which was worse. On the one hand, if the demon could teleport than there’d be no outrunning him. On the other, being able to be in two places at once would be functionally the same.

“What do you want, Alastor. I’m really not in the mood,” Dib groaned, rubbing his eyes.

“Yes, you do look rather, ill?” Alastor said, grinning. He looked like he had made a joke he found rather clever, and Dib did not like that. Just from his few experiences with the demon, Dib knew that anything he considered a “good joke” didn’t end well for the people around him.

“What did you do know, you Strawberry Shortcake wannabe?” Dib asked. Was it a good idea to taunt the incredibly powerful force of demonic might? No. However, Dib was too tired and, frankly, irritable to care. He hadn’t slept well, he was sore, and he was just generally in a bad mood.

“Now now now! Remember, you’re the one who shook my hand!” Alastor replied, as the sound of an old laugh track played in the background. “It’s just to my good fortune that I get to have some fun.”

Clenching his fists in annoyance, Dib turned again to leave. When he saw Alastor standing in the doorway, he just brushed past. Dib really wasn’t in the mood for this. Once in the bathroom, he took a hot shower. The hot water felt nice on his back, and he stood there for a while, letting the water pound against his back. When he stepped out of the shower and toweled off, however, it was rather annoying. Not only was it difficult to get downy fluff completely dry, once it was it puffed up like someone took a hair dryer to a pomeranian. Great.

Dib tried combing it down, but after a few minutes trying to get a single arm’s worth of fluff to lie flat, he knew that wasn’t going to work. Sighing in irritation, Dib realized he was just going to have to wait for it to smooth out on its own. Could this day get any worse? 

Sitting in class a few hours later, Dib was bored out of his mind. Mrs. Bitters had been droning on about the implication of the subtextual nihilism in old cartoons, which was somehow even more dull than it sounded. As Dib stared blankly at the chalkboard, occasionally stretching or rolling his shoulders to try and relieve the tension in his back, he felt a paper airplane fly into the side of his head.

Grimacing, Dib turned his head to see who had thrown it. If it was Chuck again, the bully was going to regret it. However, when Dib looked in the direction of the airplane, he saw that Zim was suspiciously interested in his textbook. Rolling his eyes, Dib unfolded the paper airplane to see if the alien had left one of his signature dumb taunts written on it.

Instead, Dib found a fully detailed blueprint for some sort of death machine, with the words “JUST TRY TO STOP ME!” scribbled at the bottom. Well, at least now Dib knew what he was doing after school. Ripping a piece of paper out of his notebook, Dib wrote “Oh I wont even have to try that hard” before crumpling it into a ball and throwing it at Zim’s head. THe alien caught it midair, before uncrumpling it and smoothing it out onto his desk to read. After a second, he turned to Dib and smiled wickedly, before mouthing “Are you sure?” silently. 

Just as Dib was about to retort, the dull ache in his back spiked, sending a searing lance of agony through him. He couldn’t even scream- all that escaped from his throat was a choked gasp, as darkness appeared at the edges of his vision and he fainted. However, even unconscious the pain didn’t stop, it just dulled. 

Unconscious, Dib felt like he was floating in a cotton ocean. Everything was dark, and all he could feel was the ache in his back. For a while, it felt like he was being buffeted by tides, as if he would drift out and never be able to swim back. But then he felt something. Someone wrapping their arms around him, grounding him. When they let go, he felt like he was drifting again, but they quickly grabbed his hand. 

And there Dib floated, in the depths of unconsciousness, grounded only by the hand wrapped around his. He could not tell whose it was, only that it was warm, and that it was keeping him there, and that he never wanted it to let go.

When Dib came to, he was laying in his bed at home, his blankets tucked over his chest but under his arms like he was in a hospital. Glancing around, Dib realized his father was pacing around worriedly, and that his room had been cleaned. Another glance showed that it was around late afternoon, based on the sunlight out his window. 

“What happened?” Dib groaned, sitting up. It hurt to move, but not as badly as it had when he passed out.

“You’re awake!” Membrane said, before walking over and sitting on the edge of Dib’s bed. “And as to what happened… According to your classmates and your teacher, you just. You just passed out in the middle of class. I’m wondering if it has anything to do with your… ah, condition.” As he spoke, Membrane awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.

“Probably does, doesn’t it?” Dib replied, frowning.

“Oh! Your friend, Zim, stopped by to see how you were doing. He actually sat about where I’m sitting now and held your hand for a while. He left about, I’d say a half hour ago? Said he had to get something ready for you, for when you woke up,” Membrane said. He hugged Dib, then stood up. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me.” As Membrane moved to walk out the door into the hallway, Dib stopped him.

“Wait, Zim stopped to check on me? ZIM? Are you sure?” Dib asked, incredulous. Why would Zim come visit him?

“Yes, he seemed very concerned. You two must be very good friends!” Membrane said, smiling.

“No! We’re mortal enemies!” Dib retorted, frowning. He stood up out of bed, glad that he was still fully dressed, and slipped on his shoes. “I’m going to go see what horrible scheme he’s cooked up, and put a stop to it!”

“Are you sure you dont need to rest?” Membrane asked, as Dib ran downstairs and out the front door. “Aaand he’s gone.” Sighing, Membrane pinched the bridge of his nose. Honestly, it was a wonder his hair wasn’t fully grey by now as much as he worried about Dib.

A couple minutes later, Dib was literally kicking down Zim’s front door and announcing his presence. Zim, in response, posed dramatically over the coffee table and shouted about his “AMAZING DOOM PLAN OF DOOMY DOOM”. Computer sighed in annoyance and started repairing the door.

“Would you two mind fighting outside? I just got my systems full operational again after that explosion, and dont really want any more damage,” Computer asked, audibly exasperated. 

“Never!” both Zim and Dib shouted in unison, before Zim lunged at Dib, claws outstretched. Dib narrowly dodged, but in doing so he tripped. Dib tried to twist and catch himself, but the searing pain returned in his back- he must have moved too quickly. This time, though, Dib didn’t black out, at first at least. He was plenty conscious as something in his back shifted, and as the skin tore open, and as a set of wings unfurled from his back, coated in blood. Dib lost consciousness seconds later.

As Zim fell to his knees beside Dib and frantically pressed his hands to Dib’s back to try and stop the flow of blood, Computer scanned through the cell network to locate Professor Membrane’s personal cell. Once he found the number, Computer dialed it.

“Hello? Is this Professor Membrane?” Computer asked, worry creeping at the edge of his usually tired voice.

“Yes? But who are you, and how did you get this number?” Membrane replied, confused. The only people who had this number were his kids, and a couple of his coworkers.

“I’m Zim’s- father? I guess? It’s your son, he’s badly hurt, I’ve got medical facilities here, but its serious, he needs his father,” Computer said through the phone line. He spoke quickly, but distractedly. He was simultaneously trying to lift Dib into a healing chamber while holding back an incredibly worried and protective Zim, after all.

“I’ll be right over!” Membrane said, before ending the call and pocketing his phone. He immediately started walking, and quickly. His son was hurt, after all!


	11. Dreams and Waking, and Dreams Denied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> D'aww, the lil Dibby was sick. But hey, now he's got bigass wings,. so thats a plus.

As Dib opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the sky overhead, obscured by branches of wisteria. Sitting up, he realized he was sitting in the same tree from the dream he’d had a few days ago, in the same plaza. Surrounded by the same fields.

And sitting in the branch across from him was the same scarlet-dressed jerk who’d cursed him.

“It’s a beautiful mindscape you’ve got here, honestly. Although, it is very…” Alastor said, as he plucked a bundle of wisteria, “purple, isn’t it?”

“I’d tell you to fuck off, but I doubt you’d listen,” Dib replied, sliding off the branch and to the ground below. Alastor quickly appeared in front of him, the same too-wide grin on his face.

“You’re very right, I wouldn’t listen. You’re the one who shook my hand, after all,” he said, chuckling. Dib just brushed past him and started walking away from the tree, to the edge of the plaza. “And of course, you can kick me out at any time, as you well know.”

“Kick you out and lose my soul in the process? Yeah, no thanks,” Dib replied, rolling his eyes. He leaned against the smal picket fence ringing the plaza, and sighed. This really sucked. “What do you want, anyway?”

“Well, I had to check on the progression of the curse, didn’t I?” Alastor laughed, before snapping his fingers. All of a sudden, Dib bolted upright in his bed, his eyes flying open. Looking around, he saw only the walls of his own room, no demonic intruders. Well, that was good news at least. Stretching, Dib felt an odd weight on his back. When he turned his head, he realised what Alastor must have meant by “Progression of the curse”- there, sprouting from his back, was a set of moth wings, curled loosely. Even with them curled, Dib could see they would be massive unfurled; even curled, at their widest point they spread wider than his arms could reach.

The wings spread out to either side, and as he stood up they folded around his shoulders like a cape. Running one finger down the upper right wing, Dib found it to be scaly, almost like a snake. It was hard and scaled, but warm. The edges were trimmed with more of the same fluff that covered his skin, just poofier. Well, at leat getting cold in the winter wouldn’t be as much of a problem.

Another thing Dib noticed when he stood up was that he was a  _ lot _ taller than he was earlier. A good two feet of extra height, at least. The pants he was wearing now only went to mid-calf, when before they’d been too long. On top of that, the wings had absolutely shredded his shirt, the back of it was completely ripped open. If his shirt looked like that, he didn’t want to know what his back had looked like.

When Dib started to get dressed, however, he found there was a problem. Swapping out his pants was unaffected by his new wings (even if they were a bit short), but putting on a shirt was tricker. Pulling on one of his regular tees like normal cramped his wings, and they barely fit underneath the fabric. An overly-large pajama shirt just got tangled in them, and a button up was even worse. Eventually, thoroughly frustrated, Dib grabbed one of his t-shirts and cut holes in the back of it for his wings. This worked nicely. It was comfortable, even if his wings still folded around his shoulders and he looked like he was wearing a crop top, at least he now had a non-shredded shirt. Dib briefly considered trying to do the same thing with his trench coat, but decided against it; just with his wings wrapped around him he was already a bit overly warm.

When he walked over to his door to leave his bedroom, he realized he was goping to have to duck his head to use doorways from now on. Fuuuuun. Stepping out of his room, Dib saw Membrane pacing back and forth up and down the hallway. Dib cleared his throat, getting his dad’s attention.

“Dib! You;re awake! I was worried about you,” Membrane softly said, his eyes obviously heavy. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a week, which, depending on how long Dib had been out may be the case.

“Two questions; how long was I out, and how long has it been since you slept?” Dib asked, stepping towards his dad. Membrane looked on the verge of passing out, and Dib wanted to catch him if he did.

“64.237 hours,” Membrane replied, without missing a beat.

“Which question are you answering there?” Dib asked, now very concerned.

“Yes,” Membrane said, before stumbling and falling face-first towards the ground. Luckily, Dib managed to catch him before he hit the floor. He tried to set his dad back on his feet, but noticed that the man was already fast asleep.

“Seriously, dad? You’re going to make yourself seriously ill one of these days,” Dib muttered to himself before trying to figure out what to do with him. “Well, hopefully this new height came with some extra muscle mass,” Dib said, before hoisting his dad over his shoulder… and nearly falling over. 

“Okay, guess I’m doing this the hard way,” Dib sighed, before grabbing Membrane by the shoulders and dragging him to his science-themed bedroom like a sack of potatoes. Once Membrane was tucked into his own bed, Dib decided to head downstairs. 

Sitting in the living room was Gaz playing her gameslave, which was not unusual. In fact, it was a nice bit of normalcy. Plopping down on the couch beside her, Dib yawned.

“So, what happened after I passed out?” he asked, grabbing an apple from the fruit arrangement on the coffee table. 

“Well, from what I got from Dad…”

As Professor Membrane opened the door to his son’s friend’s house, he expected to see Dib on the couch with his leg in a cast, maybe some bandage, based on the call he’d gotten from Zim’s… guardian? Honestly, Membrane wasn’t buying the whole “parent” thing, he knew a robotic voice when he heard one.

What he wasn’t expecting to see was the little alien frantically pressing medical gauze against Dib’s back, and he certainly wasn’t expecting the bloody wings that sprouted from Dib’s back. Running over, Membrane scooped Dib up in his arms, and laid him out on the couch. Grabbing the medical gauze from Zim’s hands, Membrane expertly wrapped Dib’s back- just a temporary solution while Membrane assessed the situation. A quick examination revealed that Dib was otherwise fine, besides from the obviously serious damage to his back. 

“I need something to close his wounds, ASAP!” Membrane ordered, quickly falling into “Man of Science” mode. He couldn’t afford to dawdle; Dib was still losing blood. When a mechanical arm drooped from the ceiling and handed him a tube of an odd, cyan goo, Membrane didn’t pause to consider what it was. Based on its consistency, it was obviously a form of glue, he just had to hope it was medical glue. 

When, on contact with Dib’s flesh, the goo began mending the damage, Membrane choked back a hysterical laugh. Well, that was certainly one way to stop the bleeding!

A few minutes later, when Membrane was sure that Dib’s bleeding had stopped, he moved to pick his osn up and take him home to clean up. However, Zim seemed to have otherideas- namely, trying to stop Membrane from “stealing” Dib. 

“Why don’t you just follow me back to our house? That way you can keep an eye on Dib, but I can make sure he’s really okay,” Membrane suggested, dodging a swipe of Zim’s claws. If Zim’s antennae hadn’t been covered by his wig, they would have perked up at the suggestion.

“Yes! Zim will accompany you to your domicile!” he announced, before marching out the door. Sighing, Membrane scooped Dib up into his arms and followed.

  
  


“And then Zim spent the next two days curled up on your chest, purring, and that stupid robot of his hogged the tv” Gaz finished her story, before turning back to her game. “Now, I’m going to get back to my game.

“Wait, Zim did what?” Dib said, incredulous.

“I said what I said. And Dib?” Gaz said, raising one eyebrow.

“What?”

“If you get hurt like that again I will boil your teeth and make paste from your femurs. Dont test me,” Gaz snapped, showing her concern in her own way.

“I- ok. Its not like I planned that.” Dib replied, crossing his arms. The apple he was eating when Gaz started he retelling of the past few days was now little more than a core, so he stood up to throw it away. On the countertop by the trashcan was a construction-paper card, scribbled on in Gir’s handwriting. Dib almost threw it out with the apple core, but instead he pocketed it. After all, it was possible research material! That was the Only Reason.

At least, the only reason Dib would admit to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, and remember, I try to reply to every comment. They fuel me!


	12. Professor Membrane, Please Take A Nap.

A day later, Dib was leaning on the kitchen counter trying to decide what he wanted for lunch. He had just decided that some oatmeal might be nice when he heard a loud thud from upstairs. Great, just what he needed. Wither Zim had broken into the house again, which was something he didn’t want to deal with, or his dad had just woken up and was frantically getting ready for work, which Dib really didn’t want to deal with. Professor Membrane had a bad habit of not knowing when he needed to take a break.

Sighing, DIb started upstairs. Gaz was at school, but he had stayed home expressly to make sure that, upon waking, Membrane didn’t immediately head to the labs. He’d just been awake for literally three days, he needed a break. However, knowing him, he was probably already half dressed.

Knocking on his dad’s door, Dib was unsurprised that it was a few minutes before Membrane opened the door. He was also unsurprised that the usually tidy professor was generally a mess- he was incredibly sleep deprived. 

“Dad, would you mind telling me why you’re getting ready for work after you were literally awake for three straight days? And you’ve only slept for about fifteen hours since then?” Dib asked, crossing his arms. When Membrane tried to brush past, muttering something noncommittal, Dib blocked the way by partially unfurling one of his wings.

“Today is a rest day for you, you’re not going anywhere,” Dib said. “And you’re certainly not going to work.” He furled his wing again and used his arm to block the way- the wing was heavy, and he didn’t exactly have the muscle strength to keep it lifted. Not yet, anyway.

“But I’ve already been out of work for several days, there’s experiments I need to check on, and-”

“And each of those can be worked on by the people  _ you hired _ and who are all  _ paid to do that _ ,” Dib said, sighing. Membrane, however, just ducked under Dib’s arm and started down the stairs.

“Dad, dont take another step down those stairs!” Dib said, following Membrane. He needed to rest! He was going to work himself sick at this rate!

“So. I’m not allowed to go down the stairs?” Membrane asked, turning to face Dib.

“Yes, but I dont like that look in your eyes. Its your stubborn spite look,” Dib replied, bracing himself for whatever was about to happen. Probably turn the stairs into a ramp or something. What Dib did not expect was for Membrane to take a running start and launch himself out the window, activating his rocket boots for a clean landing.

“I didn’t use the stairs!” he called up, waving from the front garden.

A short while later, as Dib followed Membrane through the front door of the labs, he rolled his eyes. Hopefully, he could figure out some way to keep his dad from working too hard. As they walked past the wind tunnel labs, he had an idea. A wonderfully mischievous idea; after all, there were two main ways to motivate his dad. Firstly, you could bribe him with Scientific Knowledge to discover. This is what made him work himself so hard; he was always striving for that next big discovery. Secondly, helping his children. There was nothing Membrane wouldn’t do to help his kids if they really needed it. And Dib knew exactly how to play on both of those at once.

“Hey dad, since Ive got these wings now, I wonder if Im aerodyanimc enough to fly,” Dib said, walking beside Membrane.

“Hmmm… good thought. I wonder, what are the mathematical applications of…” Aaand there Membrane went, mumbling away. Perfect, everything was going according to plan.

“Well, we could always test it using the wind tunnels,” Dib suggested, trying not to make it obvious that he was distracting his father.

“Hmmm. Well first you’d probably need to build up muscle mass… Oh! We’ve got that experimental scietifically enhanced gym… Of course, I’d need to monitor it, make sure the equipment is functioning properly…” Membrane said, thinking.  
  
“Scientifically enhanced… gym? How is a gym scientifically enhanced?” Dib asked, trying to think how you’d science-ify a treadmill.

“Oh, its mostly a normal gym, but has increasable gravity for a more intensive workout, or a less intensive one for someone just starting out. Actually, the gravitational array could be useful for you when you’re learning to fly, give you more airtime… although, you’ll need to know how to fly in normal gravity,” Membrane answered, before coming to a decision. “The gravitational array needed testing anyway. Now I can be productive AND help you!” he announced, before turning on his heel and walking to the nearest elevator.

“What sort of monitoring would it need?” Dib asked, concerned that his plan may have just backfired.

“It requires someone in the control room at this stage, in case something needs adjustment. Actually, now you’re getting what you wanted in the first palace. It has so many alarms set to it that I’ll be able to take a nap,” Membrane answered, smiling. 

“You do that, then. I’m going to go try to figure out what kind of exercises are good for… Shoulder and back muscles?” Dib said, considering what exactly he needed to exercise.

I think there’s some tablets in the workout area with pre-set workouts, maybe use one of those. You should probably do a full-body,” Membrane said, before walking off to the observation room. He refused to admit it, but he was exhausted.


	13. Snow Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its the year's first big snow! What will the bugs do? :)

That evening, Dib was restless. In the morning, he’d been able to keep his mind off… certain matters because he was worried about his dad. Then, in the afternoon, he was working out, and didn’t have the energy to think things over. But now? Now he was just sitting at home, with not much to do besides think.

And think he did. Mainly about Zim. had the alien really stayed with him the whole time he was unconscious? And… Why would Zim try to stop him from bleeding out. Why would  **_Zim_ ** be protective of him? And had Zim really… curled up on his chest and purred?

How he wanted that.  How disgusting. Right. Awful. Yes, absolutely awful and disgusting. Not… Its not something he wants. Dib just needed to get refocused. Zim was the enemy, he just needs to remember that. In fact, maybe he should go to Zim’s house right now, make sure he wasn’t doing anything nefarious! Yeah, that’s a good idea.

Walking to his room, Dib considered grabbing his trenchcoat, but decided against it. Even though the weather was certainly chilly, with his wings wrapped around him he’d still be plenty warm. And while yes, it was November, it was early November. Even if it did snow a bit, it would just be a light dusting.

Walking to Zim’s house, Dib looked around. It was overcast, so they may actually get that dusting of snow. Shrugging, Dib kept walking. When he got to Zim’s house, he saw the alien running down the pathway, arms full of miscellaneous technology. Dib decided to be sneaky and follow behind Zim quietly. He was obviously going somewhere, and Dib wanted to see what it was he was building. After all, what if it was a death ray of massive proportions? Dib would have to know where it was in order to destroy it.

Following Zim, Dib felt surprised to see Zim head into the woods. However, Dib stayed behind Zim, moving silently. Once in the woods, Zim used his Pak legs to take off his disguise and stow it in his Pak. Occasionally, Zim would drop something, and he’d have to struggle for a second to pick it up without toppling the rest of what he was carrying. 

Eventually, Zim entered a small clearing with a much larger pile of tech on one side. After placing what he was carrying there, Zim seemed to run over a mental checklist, before nodding and smiling. It looked like he had everything he wanted there. Which meant it was time to start the fight.

Stepping out from behind a tree, Dib cleared his throat to get Zim’s attention.

“DIB!” Zim shouted, pointing at him. “You wont stop me!” Zim started running, off deeper into the woods, still shouting about how Dib would never be able to stop his amazing plan. Dib followed close behind, vaulting over fallen logs and dodging around the thickest of the undergrowth. He was falling behind, however. Zim’s Pak legs certainly gave him an advantage. When Zim stopped going over everything and instead began cutting a swath through the forest, Dib practically sighed in relief. That would make chasing Zim a lot easier.

While they ran, it began to snow.

Occasionally, Dib would catch up to Zim, tackle him, and a small fight would begin. THese each only lasted a few minutes, before Zim would twist out of Dib’s grasp and start running again. Eventually Dib got annoyed by how ZIm kept evading him, so the next time he tackled the alien, he made sure to pin him to the ground.  He just had to ignore the blush he could feel creeping up his face. After all, why would he be blushing to have Zim pinned underneath him?

“Stop running away from me! Fight me!” Dib exclaimed, struggling to keep ZZim from wiggling away. 

“No! I won't let you catch the amazing Zim! Not that easily!” Zim retorted, using his Pak legs to lift him and Dib both into the air, and then shake Dib off, before starting to run again. How infuriating! Picking himself up off the ground, Dib resettled his wings. They had come askew over his shoulder when he fell, and it was freezing cold. This done, he started running after Zim again.

Eventually, they came to the far edge of the forest. Zim just kept running, onto the flat land beyond. But Dib wouldn’t let him get away, not that easily! Dib kept chasing Zim for several more minutes, always just too far behind to tackle Zim again.

Dib was running. His legs were pumping beneath him, feet thudding over and over against the ground. SNow was starting to pile up, and it was just slowing him down. Zim kept gaining a lead, his Pak legs hardly impeded by the snow. All of a sudden, however, things got very bad. Before Dib could realize what was happening, the wind kicked up, a howling rage kicking up snow. And the snow itself started falling harder and harder, until the two factors combined and Dib couldn't see more than a foot in front of his face. Even with his wings wrapped around him, and the fluff covering his body, Dib was shivering. 

Dib knew what was going on, he knew how dangerous whiteouts could be. He and Zim could very easily freeze to death out here. Oddly, it wasn’t his own demise that worried Dib. It was the idea that Zim could freeze out there, cold and alone, lost in the snow, that scared Dib.

“ZIM?” he screamed out, hoping he would be heard over the wild winds. There was no reply/ “ZIM, THIS ISN’T FUNNY! IF YOU’RE CONSCIOUS, SHOUT BACK!”

All was silent, but for the wind. And before Dib knew it, even that was dulled, the snow too thick in the air for sound to properly reach. Frantically, Dib started running in the direction he’d last seen Zim. One arm in front of his face, trudging in the snow, shivering. He was so cold. So cold. He couldn’t feel his arms, or his legs. Even his wings themselves were starting to cool.

Every time Dib fell, every time he almost collapsed fully, he thought of Zim. It spurred him on, to keep going. He just had to find ZIm, that was all. 

Eventually, Dib stopped thinking. He was just walking on, struggling through the snow. Any thought that passed through his head wouldn’t have been recognizable as human. It was the most basic of thing, when it was there.

**_Find Zim. Find warmth. Find Zim. Find Warmth. Find Zim. Find Warmth. Find warmth for Zim._ ** Even this eventually devolved, until all that Dib held in his mind was a picture of Zim, curled up in the snow somewhere, slowly freezing solid. That picture, and the overwhelming terror that came with it.

When Dib tripped again, he almost picked himself up and kept moving. He would have, if he hadn't realized he'd tripped over something solid, instead of his own feet this time. Reaching into the snow, Dib found Zim. Completely covered. Barely breathing. Cold to the touch. 

Near frantic, Dib knew that he’d never make it to any house or building in time. He’d read that snow is a good insulator, though… Dib made a decision. Mimicking something he’d seen on a survival show he’d watched once when there was nothing else on tv, Dib burrowed into the snow, Zim in his arms, and made a small cave in the snow. He wrapped them both in his wings, and hoped they'd make it out of the situation alive.

Eventually, Zim woke up. He was still mostly delirious, and obviously not well, but he was awake. Dib almost cried from the relief. 

Though the two were stuck there for the rest of the night, the time seemed to fly by. They slept soundly in each other’s arms, sharing each other’s warmth. And when they woke, and they found their antennae twined together, and Zim’s head resting on Dib’s shoulder, maybe they did smile. Just a bit. Maybe they were happy there, with each other. 


	14. After the Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :) Zim is having a Good Time. He is Happy Bug.

When he woke the next morning, Dib was quickly fully conscious. For once there was no drifting into wakefulness, no moment where he didn't realize quite where he was. It was probably something to do with the pounds of freezing snow heaped on top of his wings, and the uncomfortable position he'd been stuck in all night. Dib was genuinely surprised he wasn't suffering from hypothermia, or something similar at least. He hadn't realized just how warm he could stay, wrapped in his wings. 

Plus, shared body heat probably helped. Looking at where Zim was curled up, squeezed into the slight space there was, Dib found himself very conflicted. He should have just left Zim to freeze, should have just let the roach die. So why, then, had his gut reaction been to save Zim? Why did having Zim curled up in his lap, head resting against his chest, hands clutching tightly at his shirt, why did all this make Dib happy? It shouldn't, Dib kept telling himself. There was no reason for it to. 

"Dib-Stink?" Zim murmured, waking up. He was blushing, but it didn't look like embarrassment. Just the way your face turns red in the cold. Or, in Zim's case, a pretty lavender color. "What happened?" When Zim looked up at Dib, those magenta eyes half open and sparkling with impossible depth, Dib found himself smiling, though he'd never admit it.

"We got caught in a whiteout. I- uh, Well. I knew shared body heat was the best way to survive, so I... uh..." Dib trailed off, trying to find a good reason for why he had his arch-nemesis curled up in his lap, both of them wrapped in Dib's wings.

"Well, Zim is not receiving enough heat! It's still cold!" Zim protested, smashing his face against Dib's chest. When he spoke again, his voice was muffled. "AS YOUR future overlord, I DEMAND that you give me more warmth! This inferior planet is FREEZING and I HATE it!

Not giving Dib the chance to respond, Zim shoved his head under Dib's shirt and pressed his face into the fluff, pulling the shirt back over. Only the tips of his antennae poked up out the neck of Dib's shirt, and they soon wrapped around Dib's neck. Dib knew that if not for the fluff covering his face, he'd have been bright red. After a moment, though, he realized something.

"Damn, Zim, you're freezing!" he yelped when the cold managed to seep through his fuzz. 

"Well not all of us have an inbuilt winter coat!" Zim retorted, wrapping his arms around Dib's middle. "So instead, I'm just going to steal ALL of your warmth!" And with that, Zim was laughing evilly. It would have been threatening if the alien wasn't shivering like crazy. After a moment of hesitation, din took off his shirt as much as he could, leaving it hanging from his wings and the slits he'd cut in the back. This done, he wrapped his arms around Zim and hugged him tightly. After all, if Zim froze, he'd have no-one to fight! That was all.

"Zim, are you... purring?" Dib asked, a few minutes later. The low noise seemed to be coming from deep in the irken's chest, and from the way Zim's antennae tightened around Dib's neck, he knew he'd guessed correctly. 

"I don't know what you're talking about, Dib-stink," Zim muttered, not moving his head from where it rested against Dib's chest. "And besides, I'm not the one who's fluffed up like an anxious cat."  
"Wh- Shut up!" Dib exclaimed, blushing. Zim shifted his weight, moving his head to look Dib in the eyes. After a moment of staring, he slowly blinked, before resting his head again, this time against Dib's shoulder.

"What was that about?" Dib asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"It was nothing. Don't worry about it," Zim muttered, turning his head a bit as if getting comfortable. "How long do you think we'll be stuck here?" After thinking for a bit, Dib shrugged. He had no idea.

"Do you think you could get us out of here? Like, burrow a way out with your Pak legs?" Dib asked, shifting his wings a bit to reveal a patch of snow overhead. A few chunks of white powdery cold fell, but the snow kept itself mostly in place.

"Probably," Zim replied, obviously thinking. Activating a Pak leg, he quickly stabbed upwards. "It feels like the snow is only a few inches above us. Couldn't you just stand up?"

"Yes, only a few inches above us, but I'd have to displace snow all around us, which is a lot of weight," Dib replied, after a second.  
"Huh. Well, brace yourself, quite a bit of snow is probably about to fall on our heads," Zim said. As Dib watched, he activated another two Pak legs and thrust them up into the snow along with the first, before pushing them apart, breaking the tension of the snow. Quite a bit fell downwards, but most of it flew outwards, away from them. Standing up and unfurling his wings full, Dib was then hit with a realization. The snow came up to his waist, and they were in the middle of a clearing in the woods. And, out in the wind, it was freezing, even for him. Quickly shrugging his shirt back on, he sivered.

"How are we getting home?" he wondered aloud, helping Zim to his feet.

"Well, now that we're out of the snow, I should be able to message Gir to pick me up. And I suppose I could be convinced to let you catch a ride," Zim said, pulling out a Pad and typing a message. "You'd better hope your big head fits in the Voot." 

"My head is not big! If anything, it's proportional to the rest of me!" Dib protested, crossing his arms and refurling his wings, allowing them to settle once again into their resting position around his shoulders.

"You keep telling yourself that, Dib-pet," Zim laughed, pushing his way behind Dib's wings, into the relative warmth they offered.

"What did you just call me?" Dib exclaimed, taken aback. And why was it nice to hear?

"I called you Dib-Stink, Dib-Stink," Zim said, rolling his eyes.

"No, I could have sworn you called me... Actually, nevermind." Dib didn't really want to think about it.

A few minutes later, Dib saw something hurtling through the air towards them. It very quickly became apparent that it was the Voot, on a collision course with where they were standing. Without a moment's hesitation, Dib picked up Zim and threw him to the side, before diving after him. He wasn't a moment too soon, because before Dib had even landed, he heard the Voot crash to a stop exactly where he'd been standing less than five seconds before, snow thrown into the air on either side. Shaking himself off and standing up, Dib looked at the furrow in the snow and gulped. Now he knew why Zim never let Gir pilot.

Speaking of Gir, the small robot was somehow managing to run across the top of the snow, barely even leaving footprints where he ran. As Zim stood up and shook himself off, Gir launched himself at him. Knocked from his feet once more, Zim grimaced.

"Gir, what did I say about knocking me over?" he asked, his voice unusually steady.

"Ta AHLWAYS do it!" Gir shouted, laughing.

"No, Gir! To NEVER do it!" Zim said, standing up. Gir ignored him, choosing instead to wander over to where Dib was standing.

"Mary, when are you an' mastah gon get married?" he asks, before laughing again. "Get it? Cuz Mary sounds like Married!" Dib sputtered a reply, something along the lines of NEver! We're enemies! but Gir just laughed harder.

A moment later, a snowball smacked Gir on the back of the head. "Gir! Quiet! Get in the Voot, it's time we get home!" Zim shouted, pointing at the Voot. "And Dib, you too! I don't want to be out here any longer than I have to!" Seemingly satisfied that Dib had been yelled at a decent amount, Zim used his Pak legs to pick his way over to the Voot without getting covered in even more snow. Dib, however, had to just wade through the cold white mess.

When all three of them piled into the Voot, it was pretty cramped for space. Dib sat on the seat itself, with Zim in his lap and Gir on his shoulders. Gir found entertainment in putting Dib's hair in several sparkly hair clips and offered no explanation as to where he got them.

"Hey, Zim, aren't we going pretty... slowly?" Dib asked as they soared over the treetops a few minutes later.

"We'd be going faster if SOMEONE hadn't crashed into the snow and damaged the Capacitors!" Zim snarked, reaching up to rap his knuckles against Gir's head. "It's going to take me weeks to get the Voot fully operational again! I don't know how Gir managed to even damage them this badly, they're designed for head-on collisions with asteroid belts!"

"Tha ca-pac-titors wanted waffles!" Gir announced, grinning.

"... Gir. Gir I want you to be honest. Did you fill my incredibly important capacitors with waffles?" Zim asked, his voice colder than the air outside.

"Nnnnooooooooo, I gaves them Breakfast!"

When Dib chuckled to himself, Zim stopped the Voot midair, turned, and punched him in the gut, before continuing on like nothing happened. "No waffles for a month, Gir," he said, as he continued piloting the Voot.


	15. Karaoke Night part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaz is bored, and there's a new karaoke place opening downtown. Might as well see what its all about.

Dib was sitting on the couch trying to figure out how to wear earmuffs on antennae when he was startled by a bedroom slipper smacking him in the face. Looking up, he saw Gaz standing in front of him, looking murderous.

"I swear I didn't eat your pizza!" he exclaimed, holding his hands up to block any incoming attack. "I think it was Gir!"

"Not what Im here about, dumbass. Get dressed, I'm bored so we're going to do something," Gaz said, looking unimpressed. Secretly, she thought it was hilarious that even now that he was a nine-foot-tall moth monster, Dib was still occasionally  _ terrified  _ of her.

"What would we even be doing?" Dib asked, lowering his arms. His antennae were still flat against his head, betraying the false calm he was keeping on his face.

"I dunno. Karaoke, maybe? i heard theres this place downtown that just opened up, its a dinner-and-singing kinda thing," Gaz replied, shrugging. "I'm just bored. While you've been out having life-changing adventures, I've been stuck here with a busted GameSlave."

"Wow, and you haven't murdered anyone? I'm impressed with your self-restraint," Dib said, laughing as he stood up. 

"Yeah, I've been leaving that up to your new friend, the  _ Strawberry Prick _ ," Gaz retorted, smilling slightly. "although he was almost out of a job, with all that snow."

"Oh shut the fuck up, at least I didn't subjugate a whole reality over  _ pizza _ ," Dib said, crossing his arms. His antennae were back in their regular position, showing he wasn't actually mad or anything. Just teasing.

" _ That was  _ **_ONE TIME!_ ** " Gaz protested, picking up a magazine from the coffee table and rolling it up. Seeing what she was about to do, Dib took off running to his room. "GET BACK HERE SO I CAN SQUASH YOU, YOU PEST!" Gaz shouted, running after him, grinning fully now.

"Sorry, you'll just have to catch me!' Dib replied, laughing. Just as Gaz came to the top of the stairs, Dib's door slammed shut. Gaz could hear him getting dressed within the room, so she just threw the magazine at the door, cracking the wood in the process, before heading to her own room.

A few minutes later, Gaz and Dib were both dressed and Gaz was calling ahead to the karaoke place to make sure they were open. Meanwhile, Dib was trying to figure out how you fix a splintered door. Google was not being very helpful. He kept getting results that pretty much amounted to "Buy a new door", but he  _ liked  _ his door. The interior side was absolutely covered in scribbled notes to himself from over the years, and the front side had been painted on with stencils. Various messages, everything from an Area 51 logo to the SEN symbol.

Sighing in defeat, he decided the crack wasnt that bad, and he could deal with it. Walking downstairs, he saw Gaz hanging up the phone.

"So, are we on for karaoke?" he asked, sitting down on the couch. 

"They only have 3-person rooms available, and they sound very strict on their "Number of people must match the room policy," Gaz sneered, looking like she wanted to reach through the phone and stab the employee who'd answered. 

"Well shit. Now we're just going to have to figure something else ou-" Dib was interuppted when Gaz started talking again.

"So I'm going to tell Zim to come," she said, already walking out the front door as she dialed Zim's number.

" _ WHAT _ ?!" Dib yelped, jumping up. "Gaz, no, its fiiine we can just find something else to do! Maybe we could go to an arcade, or we co-"

"I want the karaoke, I'm getting the karaoke," Gaz said, raising an eyebrow. Her tone offered no room for argument.

Of course, Dib wasn't one to listen to tone of voice.

"Do we  _ have  _ to invite Zim? He'll just make a mess of things and then the whole thing will be ruined, possibly get blown up, and0"

"Dib, listen to me while we walk. Or else/" Gaz said, looking at her brother.

"... ok."

"I'm not going to let  _ you  _ ruin tonight. Zim will probably be fine, so long as  _ you  _ dont start shit," Gaz said, glaring at Dib, "So there are going to be a few ground rules. First of all, dont start a fight. Second of all, either get your head out of your ass and actually figure out that you have a crush on Zim, or shut the fuck up and try not to be awkawrdly pining the whole time, ok?" Gaz said, never taking her gaze of of Dib as she walked and talked.

"I Do  _ NOT  _ have a crush on Zim!" Dib protested, fluffing up in indignation. "And I am insulted that you'd even insinuate something like that!"

"Ok, mr. Pining. Its the denial for me," Gaz replied, before incresing her pace. She was obvioulsy done with the convrsation, but Dib still didn't pick up on this. It seemed almost intentional at this point.

"Gaz, I'm not 'pining in denial' or anything like that!" Dib protested again, walking faster to keep up with her.

"Oh really? Then why did you  _ steal a spaceship _ and then  _ fly all the way into Empire controlled territory _ to rescue him  _ from his own Empire _ when we were in the seventh grade?" Gaz asked, taking the opportunity to verbally kick her brother in the shins.

"That was- That wasn't anything like that! I just- Uh... It is my duty to fight against the Irken Empoire, since they're trying to invade Earth! As such, I help those they're hurting, and... uh... at that point Zim was being hurt by them?" Dib said, sounding like he was trying franitcally to find some sort of reason behind it. And besides, that was years ago!"

"Okay then, why did you save his life a couple weeks ago in that snowstorm? And dont you dare say it was to conserve body heat, you and I both know that's bullshit," Gaz said, not giving Dib a moment to gather his thoughts. Luckily for him, he didn't get the chance to ahve to defend himself. Instead, he was knocked over by a flying Gir rocketing into his back, tackling him in a hug. This effect was made somewhat more comical by the fact that the little robot was a little less than a ninth his height at this point.

"Mary! Mary! Mastah said we gonna sing some! Im gonna sing the Doom Song!" Gir exclaimed, jumping up and down on the toppled Dib.

"That's great, Gir, but please stop that, it hurts," Dib groaned, rolling over and standing back up. Gir just laughed and jumped off his back torwards Gaz. The purple-haired girl caught him midair and threw him across the street underhand.

"I am not getting tackled today, tin-can," she said, before continuing to walk. "Dib, keep up."


	16. Failed Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karaoke night doesnt go as planned, and we learn that Zim is, for once, *not* the dumbass of the group.

A few minutes later, Dib walked into the karaoke place. Zim had joined them while they were walking, shortly after Gir did. This would have been.... fine, if not for the fact that the stupid alien just had to be plotting something! Some sort of- of- bioweapon! It had to be! Causing heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and slight dizziness! But he was Dib Membrane, and wouldn't let some small weapon (or whatever malignant force Zim had harnessed) stop him! He had to protect his sister!

Well, Gaz could probably protect herself.

But the point still stands!

While Gaz was paying for the room, and Zim was looking at the song list, Dib stood in the corner and glared at the green menace. he wouldn't take his eyes off the alien for even a second, wouldn't give Zim the opportunity to enact whatever nefarious plan he had. Anything to do with Zim was evil and nefarious and couldn't be trusted! Even Gir, while not inherently evil, probably shouldn't be trusted. He could just give Zim gathered info after all!

And the only reason Dib was letting Gir ride on his shoulders was that he knew the robot would just start screaming if he refused. And the fact that Gir smelt vaguely like Zim (it was still weird smelling stuff through antennae on the top of his head, by the way) was definitely a detriment to the whole thing. In fact, whatever bioweapon or nanobot menace Zim was using must be linked to the alien himself, because his scent just made the symptoms worse!

"Hey, Dib-shit! Come pick out a couple of songs!" Zim called over his shoulder, as he finished selecting his choices.

"Couldn't I do that in the room?" Dib retorted, crossing his arms.

"Well you could, but you also order the snacks out here. Now, if you want to go hungry, feel free," Zim replied, shrugging. sneering, he walked to sit in one of the chairs in the tiny waiting area. As soon as he did, he grimaced and jumped back up. "his pathetic establishment just opened, but the seats are already disgusting!" he practically shouted, disgust written across his face. Fists clenched at his side, he simply stood, impatient.

Once he'd picked out his songs and was choosing the snacks he wanted, Dib saw that Gaz looked frustrated. The employee at the front desk had retreated into a back room, and she was tapping her foot. Six feet of unbridled rage, she was honestly pretty intimidating. And Dib was saying that as a nine-foot-tall moth monster. From the way she looked ready to bite someone's head off, Dib decided th-

"DIB! ZIM! We're in room 8, but this guy just said his dumb fuck supervisor forgot to order the food supplies for the week, so we won't be getting snacks," Gaz said, her voice not loud but containing all the energy of a shout. Stomping her heavy boots across the floor, she strode down the offshoot hallway towards the room they had been given.

"Seriously? Zim is only here because you said there would be snacks! I am UNINTERESTED in the stupid human practice of paying to sing!" Zim protested, following quickly behind. After a moment, Dib walked after them.

"Mary, yoose gots it baaad!" Gir shouted, kicking his feet. Directly into Dib's chest. Wincing in pain, Dib lifted Gir and held him at eye level.

"You say the most random, out of left field, untrue things sometimes, Gir," Dib said, brow furrowed in confusion.

"Gimme a D! Gimme an E! Gimme an N-I-A-L!" Whazzat spell?" Gir shouted, waving his arms in a mockery of a cheerleader.

"Gir I'm not in denia-"

"TACOS!"

Dib looked at Gir in pure confusion before setting the robot down. Gir could just walk the rest of the way. It was only a couple dozen feet, and with the mood Gir was in...

Dib was not looking to have something explode in his face, thankyouverymuch.

Once he was sure that Gir wasn't about to literally explode, Dib followed Gaz and Zim into the karaoke room. The interior was pretty plush, with deep red booth seats and... wait. Was the carpet literally made out of plushie fabric? That's certainly an... interesting choice for interior decorating. Oh well, at least it appeared mostly clean. Dib sat on one of the bench-like seats and watched Zim look in disgust at the seats. Purely to ensure the alien wasn't plotting anything devious, of course.

"WHat's the matter, space-boy? Can't find a place to sit?" Dib asked, raising an eyebrow. Antagonizing Zim could be so fun, especially when the alien would get a very specific kind of angry. He was absolutely adorable when he stomped his foot like that He was absolutely infuriating when he stomped his foot like that.

"No, I can't, Dib-Stink. The owner of this wretched place _ apparently  _ has never heard of CLEANING IT! It's completely disgusting!" Zim exclaimed, throwing his arms up in frustration.

"Well, if there's no place you'd like to sit, I'm sure you can just leave," Dib said, looking pointedly at the door.

"Oh, there's still ONE place for me to sit," Zim announced, grinning evilly. Crap. That was his evil-plan, blow-something-up grin. Just as Dib was tensing up for an impending fight, Zim walked calmly over and plopped down on Dib's lap. "You will simply have to serve as my chair, Dib-thing," Zim said, chuckling.

Dib froze. This was unexpected, and he had no idea how to respond. He knew he should probably just push Zim off, but... That felt wrong. Made him feel weird, deep in his gut. So instead, he went with another plan.

Wrapping his arms tightly around Zim, he laughed. "Well, after all these years and you finally admit defeat?" he said, leeringly. "Well, I'll just have to keep you contained." Zim struggled against Dib's grasp for a moment, but Dib could tell he wasn't using his full strength. Before Dib could think about this, Zim relaxed.

"I suppose if you're so eager to serve as a chair for your future overlord, then Zim will allow it," the green alien practically purred, looking up at Dib. dib, in response, definitely didn't smile. What he was doing was the opposite of smiling it was... uh... a grimace! Yeah, totally not a smile. He was absolutely grimacing, not happy at all.

"Will you two lovebirds can it? I'm trying to get this stupid karaoke machine working, but I'm too busy trying to suppress my gag reflex to get anything done!" Gaz shouted from the other side of the admittedly small room. The karaoke machine did look like it was from the 60s, so it was reasonable for her to be having trouble.

"Zim is not any sort of bird! I am a proud member of the Irken species, the most feared empire in all the galaxy!" Zim protested fiercely. "Do not compare me to any sort of lesser avian creature!"

"Yeah, we're not lovebirds!" Dib said, for once agreeing with Zim.

"Hmm yes, that must just be platonically resting your head on his, then?" Gaz retorted, rolling her eyes. Before Dib could protest further, she stood up and kicked the karaoke machine, hard. This bit of percussive maintenance managed to get it working, and the countdown for the first song started.

"Seriously, Dib? "Aliens Exist?" You've gotta be shitting me," Gaz groaned, plopping down in a seat opposite Dib and Zim.

  
  


Songs played, and they fell into a pattern. On her turn, Gaz would have some manner of either punk-metal lined up or a video game song. She did surprise them with a Vocaloid-Kpop-thing at one point, but both Dib and Zim knew better than to mention it. On his turn, Dib would sing something cryptid themed or something by Lemon Demon. When it was cryptid themed, Gaz looked two seconds from snapping her brother’s neck. Zim, meanwhile, had somehow managed to mess with the system while lining his songs up and got Irken songs into it. 

Dib absolutely  _ despised _ the melodic chirping, of course. It absolutely did  _ not _ make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside when Zim would sing a particularly slow one while looking at Dib. That would be ridiculous. 

A few songs later, Zim stood up to take his turn, rolling his eyes just like he had each of the previous times. However, when he looked at the machine to see which one was going to be playing, his face lit up. His Pak whirred menacingly, and he spun around to look at Dib. Dib was definitely uneasy, and certainly, didn't lean forward in anticipation.

When Zim started singing in English, dib was surprised. However, Zim’s voice was somehow even more beautiful slightly more bearable when forming more human sounds. 

Then Dib realized what Zim was singing.

“ **I don’t want to set the world on fire,** ” Zim sang, looking at Dib, “ **I just want to start a flame in your heeaart,** ” Dib sat back, surprised. This was… It was…

Dib didn’t know what to think. He… He should be recoiling in disgust, Zim was obviously making fun of him he had to be.

“ **In my heart, I have but one desire/ and that one is you, no other will dooo,** ” Zim sang, slowly walking towards Dib. Dib froze, conflicted. Why- Why was Zim doing this? Was it some sort of sick joke? Be- Because if it was, it was absolutely not landing at all. Totally not hitting hard on things Dib had hidden even from himself.

“ **I’ve lost all ambition, for worldly acclaim/ I just want to be the one you love/ And with your admission, that you’d feel the same/ I’ll have reached the goal I’m dreaming of, believe me,** ” Zim kept singing, seemingly oblivious to the myriad of conflicting emotions Dib was feeling. Then, Dib realized what had to be happening. Zim just… Didn’t understand the lyrics. That had to be it. There was… There was no other explanation. 

“I’ve, uh, gotta go,” dib said, just a bit too loudly, jumping up from where he sat. Running out of the room, he tried to ignore the heat he could feel blooming across his cheeks.

As he ran through the hallways, Dib realized Gir had been sitting in the hallway drawing on the walls with crayons the whole time. Well. Zim’s robot, Zim could pay for cleaning. Dib didn’t have time to deal with that, he just needed to get out. He needed fresh air. Needed to clear his head.

Running past the front desk, Dib ignored the clerk shout at him about how he had to pay a fee to leave early. He just burst through the doors, into the cold night air. Dib realized the sun must have set while they were in there. Walking, more of a stumble, to a nearby lamppost, Dib leaned against it. His wings fluttered lightly, resituating around his shoulders, the same position, again and again, just nervous movement. Behind him, he heard the karaoke joint’s door open.

“Dib-lov- Dib. I… I need to talk to you,” Dib heard Zim say. Wordlessly, Dib reached up and jumped, before swinging himself upwards to perch on top of the lamp post. He wasn't interested in talking.

However, Zim was persistent as always and used his Pak legs to raise himself high enough to be relatively even with Dib. “Dib, please, I think there’s been a misunderstanding. Which isn’t surprising, considering how stupid you can be sometimes,” Zim said, trying (and failing) to be soft and genuine.

“No, dumb of ass! I, the AMAZING ZIM, am trying to tell you that I-” Dib cut Zim off, not letting him finish.

“I get it, Zim. You hate me, that song just came up by mistake, I don’t need to hear it right now,” Dib said, turning away. He leapt into the air and spread his wings, gliding away before he could hear Zim finish his sentence.

  
  
  
  
  


“Dib, I love you.”


	17. hiatus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *SCREAMS*

HIATUS ANNOUNCEMENT

FOR AT LEAST A COUPLE MONTHS WHILE I WORK ON THIS PROJECT, NOT THE WHOLE TIME BUT AT LEAST FOR A WHILE, ALL MY FICS WILL BE ON HIATUS.

(SHUT UP MOMYUKI FIC YOURE DEAD, NOT JUST ON HIATUS)

OK SO

THE PROJECT IS

LAST NIGHT I WAS IN THE MOOD FOR ZADR SOULMATE AUS AND I COULDNT FIND ANY, THERE WERE LITERALLY 10 THAT SHOWED UP WHEN I FILTERED BY “Dib/Zim” AND “Soulmates”. SO, I AM GOING TO WRITE 20 SOULMATE AU FICS BY THIS TIME NEXT YEAR, THATS MORE THAN A FIC A MONTH, SO I CAN ***TRIPLE*** THE AMOUNT OF SOULAMTE ZADR FICS ON AO3. I WILL HATE MYSELF BY THE END OF THIS. THAT IS FACT. IT WILL PRACTIALLY BE A YEAR-LONG NANOWRIMO. *SCREAMS*

This message will copy paste to all continuing fics of mine.


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